


the echoes cast has a blast. except for celica. celica does not have a blast

by Nyargh



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Forgive us, alm crytypes a lot, basically at first it's the celica squad and alm, celica is done, celica platonically bridal carries boey, except for genny, genny is an average edgy teenager, it may not seem like there's mae/boey at first but its gonna be there, most of the characters are in college, most of the characters are probably ooc, then there are gonna be more characters i promise, there's a lot of cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-11-12 11:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyargh/pseuds/Nyargh
Summary: bowoey: Mae have you ever consideredbowoey: shutting the fuck up





	1. Alm Gets Furryshamed

_**Celica** created **New Chat**_

_**  
** _

_**Celica** has added **Whip &MaeMae**, **bowoey** , and **genny** to the chat_

 

 **Whip &MaeMae:** :,( why didn’t you add your boo :,(

 **Whip &MaeMae:** is it because hes a furry and you don’t want us to furryshame him??? :,(

 **bowoey:** it’s because of you binch

 **Whip &MaeMae:** no

 **Whip &MaeMae:** its because of YOU

 **Celica:** Don’t call Alm a furry

 **Celica:** He’s not a furry

 **bowoey:** it’s probably so he won’t see us furryshaming him

 **Whip &MaeMae:** oh

 **Whip &MaeMae:** well in that case ;0

 **Celica:** NO

 

_**Whip &MaeMae** has added **Alm-ond** into the chat_

 

 **Alm-ond:** nyalll

 

_**Celica** has removed **Alm-ond** from the chat_

 

 **genny:** keep him out

 **genny:** also i’m muting u guys

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO!! NO!! add him back or i will find sexting screenshots from

 **bowoey:** Mae have you ever considered

 **bowoey:** shutting the fuck up

 **Whip &MaeMae:** no

 

_**Celica** has added **Alm-ond** into the chat_

 

 **Alm-ond:** HHA!!1! AS if ur kinkshaming can ruin me,,,,, i’m the MATSSER and i KNOW u two get off to kkinkshaming

 **Whip &MaeMae:** furry

 **Alm-ond:** why WOULD YOU SAY THAT???? OMG;;;; IM TELLING GRANDPA MYCEN ON YOU AND HES GONNA TELL UR MOM

 **bowoey:** your grammar is so shit why did i allow you to date my lady celica

 **Alm-ond:** BC IMMA BE HITTIN THAT ASS REAL SOON

 **Celica:** Do not come anywhere near “my ass” or YOUR ASS is going into the trash

 **bowoey:** good

 **Whip &MaeMae:** right where he belongs ;0

 **Alm-ond:** UH,,,,, EXCSUE SME Y O U BELONG INTO TH E TRASH TOO

 **bowoey:** holy shit

 **bowoey:** i agree

 **bowoey:** I VOLUNTEER TO THROW HER IN

 **Whip &MaeMae:** HE MEANT YOU TOO ASSHOLE

 **Whip &MaeMae:** RIGHT????

 **Whip &MaeMae:** RIGHT ALM??????

 **genny:** either way, i think everyone should die

 **genny:** except for celica

 **bowoey:** hirgfhdjjvgkuysejhsnbfdkjhvsdnk

 **Celica:** Quick question;

 **Celica:** Why is your screen name “bowoey” I’m-

 **Whip &MaeMae:** nyello

 **bowoey:** bc this asshole ^^^

 **Alm-ond:** SHES A FURRY TO Y DONT U KINKSHAME HER TOO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** r00d i worked hard on that name 5 u </3

 **Alm-ond:** ARE YOU IGNORING ME

 **bowoey:** disgusting

 **Alm-ond:** WHY,,,,

 **bowoey:** who do i see in this chat???? Its not anybody I know.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** U SEE ME OBV

 **bowoey:** OH YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT

 **genny:** who else would you be seeing boey?

 **Alm-ond:** ME

 **Alm-ond:** YOUD BE SEING MDEE

 **bowoey:** I don’t know????

 **bowoey:** maybe mila

 **Whip &MaeMae:** mila is so good. I love mila

 **genny:** what would possess mila to join this chat

 **Alm-ond:** BABE U WONT IGNORE ME RITE

 **Celica:** Boey, Mae, shut up.

 **Alm-ond:** THATS RIGHT TELL THEM FUTURE WIFEY

 **Celica:** If there isn’t anyone there you shouldn’t dwell on it.

 **Alm-ond:** CELICA MY DARLING NOO I EXIST

**Celica:**

**Whip &MaeMae: **

**bowoey:**

**Alm-ond:** FINE

 **Alm-ond:** I SEE

 **Alm-ond:** THIS WILL MAKE YOU MISS ME

 

_**Alm-ond** has left **New Chat**_

 

 **bowoey:** goodbye you little shit

 **Whip &MaeMae:** why is this chat still named new chat

 **bowoey:** hmm youre right

 **Whip &MaeMae:** dont worry ive got this covered

 **bowoey:** no

 **genny:** i’m scared

 **Celica:** Please don’t

 

_**Whip &MaeMae** renamed **New Chat** to **Alm’s Furry Funtime**_

 

 **Celica:** NO

 **bowoey:** NO

 **genny:** i hate this family

 **Celica:** So, will we be adding Alm back?

 **bowoey:** nah

 **Celica:** Well, I hope we do. It hasn’t been very long but my stupid boyfriend is already begging and whining like a child to be put back in.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** lmao he is one tho

 **bowoey:** so aare you

 **Whip &MaeMae:** RUDE

 **Whip &MaeMae:** i am no loli

 **Whip &MaeMae:** THAT WOULD MAKE YOU A PEDOPHILE

 **bowoey:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **bowoey:** we arent dating

 **Whip &MaeMae:** SO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** YOUVE PROBABLY STARED AT MY BOOBS BEFORE, YOU BOOB

 **genny:** hahaha

 **genny:** boobey

 **bowoey:** NO

 **bowoey:** NO

 **bowoey:** NO

 **bowoey:** NO

 **bowoey** : NO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** yuh-HUH

 

_**bowoey** has removed **Whip &MaeMae** from **Alm’s Furry Funtime**_

 

 **genny:** speaking of alm

 **Celica:** Alright, I’m adding him back in. This is intolerable

 **Celica:** wait

 **Celica:** What the Fuck Happened.

 **Celica:** Uh…

 

_**Celica** has added **boobey** and **Alm-ond** into the chat_

 

 **bowoey:** FUCK YOU MAE

 **boobey:** I’M NOT MAE

 **boobey:** YOU’RE MAE

 **bowoey:** WHATTHEFUCK

 **boobey:** you forgot your spaces

 **boobey:** thus I’m the real boey

 **bowoey:** ????

 **Alm-ond:** FINALLY

 **Alm-ond:** I GET TO WATCH MY BULLIERS BULLY EACH OTHER

 **Alm-ond:** WHICH ONE IS THE SSUPERIOR JOEY

 **bowoey:** it’s boey you bitch

 **boobey:** i?? am boey?? look at this fake ass hoe lmao

 **Alm-ond:** hmm…

 **Alm-ond:** I know!

 **Alm-ond:** maybe boey has two accounts?? AND MAE ISNT HERE

 **bowoey:** HELL NO

 **bowoey:** THATS MAE RIGHT THERE HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT YOU DUMBASS

 **Alm-ond:** I thhink thst’s the real boey actually

 **boobey:** NO I AM?? WHAT THE FUCK YOU DUMB SHIT

 **Alm-ond:** wha

 **Alm-ond:** CELICA HELP

 **bowoey:** please, oh lord, do NOT let my lady marry this dumbass

 **boobey:** ur lady is right here ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **boobey:** SHIT there goes my cover

 **Alm-ond:** wait?? There are two celicas now??

 **boobey:** holy shit he IS that stupid

 **bowoey:** what the fuck??? no, mae is saying ill be your lady because shes fake ass FLIRTING??

 **boobey:** boey chill

 **Alm-ond:** are you kiddinf mr????

 **Alm-ond:** im Tryinh tp HELP

 **Alm-ond:** and you come here and RIDDICYLE ME????

 

_**Alm-ond** has left **Alm’s Furry Funtime**_

 

 **Celica:** He’s whining to me again, I’m adding him back.

 

_**Celica** has added **Alm-ond** into the chat _

 

 **Alm-ond:** OK NOW I GET IT

 **Alm-ond:** HEY WHY DO THE ASSHOLES THAT ARENT EVEN DATING GET MATCHING NAMES

 **Alm-ond:** CELICAAAAA

 **Alm-ond:** BBY CHANGE UR NAEM 2 “CELERY” 2 MATCH W/ ME

 **Celica:** I wish I could remove everyone in this chat.

 **bowoey:** gasp

 **boobey:** you wouldn’t

 **Alm-ond:** SHE WOULDNT bc themn shed look lonely and like a loser w/ no friends, talkign 2 herself

 **bowoey:** shed

 **boobey:** shedding fur? i didnt know u were into that u furri alm, lol is celica into that

 

_**Alm-ond** has removed **bowoey** and **boobey** from the chat _

 

 **Alm-ond:** NYIKES they ALMost found out

 

_**Celica** has removed **Alm-ond** from the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my friend and I came up with the idea during prep for science finals anf we rushed to write it  
> Please don't take this seriously ;0


	2. Everyone Wants to Kill Mae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whip&MaeMae: we can play fmk????
> 
> Alm-ond: whatS FMK
> 
> bowoey: it’s fuck marry kill
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: how do you not know that
> 
> Alm-ond: oh ok!!!
> 
> Alm-ond: fuck celica marry celica and
> 
> bowoey: kill mae
> 
> Alm-ond: kill mae

**_bowoey_ ** _ is now chatting with  _ **_boobey_ ** _! _

 

**bowoey:** so apparently they removed us from the chat

**boobey:** WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT OH NO!!!!!!! :,(

**bowoey:** shut up before I block you

**boobey:** :,(

**bowoey:** but the reason I’m talking to you now is

**boobey:** because you finally want to admit you’re a furry?

**bowoey:** because I want you to change your name this instant

**bowoey:** NO WHAT IM NOT A FURRY

**boobey:** yeah youre right alm is

**boobey:** but for almonds

**boobey:** he’s a nutty

**bowoey:** why did you use an apostrophe on that and nothing else

**bowoey:** but you’re avoiding the subject

**boobey:** fineeee

**boobey:** ill change it to, “boey’s lil mae-d”

**boobey:** like, maid

**bowoey:** i hate you

**boobey:** you aren’t rejecting it tho??

**bowoey:** WHA

**bowoey:** UM

**bowoey:** UH

**boobey:** i was kiddin chiilll

**bowoey:** ok jesus

**bowoey:** don’t joke around like that

**boobey:** …

**boobey:** alright

 

 

 

 

 

**_bowoey_ ** _ is now chatting with  _ **_Celica_ ** _! _

 

**bowoey:** CELICA HELP ME

**Celica:** What is it, you absolutely completely awkward potato young adult.

**bowoey:** IM IN COLLEGE WITH YOU WTF, ALSO CELICA WHAT THE HECK

**Celica:** Urgh, sorry, but Alm just headed out to a party which he tried to drag me to, but I declined, but that also means I have to drag his measly drunk, ass home.

**Celica:** Anyways, what’s up with you.

**bowoey:** uh??

**bowoey:** mae seems to be fake flirting w/ me a bit lately? i dunno i think im pretty oblivious but THS i keep noticing

**Celica:** Oh yeah, she’s definetly been what you call, “fake flirting a lot” as of recently

**bowoey:** well shit i guess i am kind of unpersceptive

**Celica:** Go on?

**bowoey:** im?? a bit uncomfortable?? bc UH i uhhhhhhhhhhhh lllllllkie her??

**Celica:** I think I understand what you mean, but try to type it normally for me so I can confirm.

**bowoey:** lik

**bowoey:** lick

**bowoey:** ilke

**bowoey:** like

**bowoey:** romanticALLY

**bowoey:** eurghh brb washing out my tongue

**Celica:** You TYPED that.

**bowoey:** alright, i’ll go wash my hands too

**bowoey:** anyways help??

**Celica:** Hmm.

**Celica:** Should I tell her to stop?

**bowoey:** NO

**bowoey:** well, it makes me get this, feeling in my stomach?? its pleasant?? but at the same time i kind of feel panicked

**bowoey:** besides, i think that might kind of upset her? Dunno why, but i have a gut feeling

**Celica:** Oh…

**bowoey:** sorry, just needed to rant or something?

**Celica:** No, it’s alright.

**Celica:** I firmly believe that letting out your emotions is a good thing.

 

 

 

 

**_Celica_ ** _ has added  _ **_bowoey_ ** _ and  _ **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _ into the chat _

 

**Alm-ond:** I do NPT HAVE A MOMMY KINK

**Whip &MaeMae:** what was even happening while we were gone

**Whip &MaeMae:** it looks like something i started

**genny:** it was armageddon

**Celica:** I left for five minutes and came back to this

**bowoey:** I’m leaving

**Whip &MaeMae:** NO DON’T GO

**bowoey:** what’ll you do to get me to stay

**Whip &MaeMae:** we can play fmk????

**Alm-ond:** whatS FMK

**bowoey:** it’s fuck marry kill

**Whip &MaeMae:** how do you not know that

**Alm-ond:** oh ok!!!

**Alm-ond:** fuck celica marry celica and

**bowoey:** kill mae

**Alm-ond:** kill mae

**Whip &MaeMae:** YRHTRYEJUTEEWAG

**genny:** rttegwfertjukjhrtewfehrjtl

**Whip &MaeMae: ** SHOOT ME ONE!

**bowoey:** i wish i could actually shoot you

**Alm-ond:** Me, Celica, and Boey

**Whip &MaeMae: ** OOH ok so id def marri boey bc then i could harass him 4 life and his body looks like a twink so i wouldnt frik frak him, so i guess do it with celica?? bc i need her alive, she’s more important to me than u alm, so technically my list of importance is boey, celica, then u sorry alm

**Whip &MaeMae: ** I HAVE ONE FOR YOU TOO BOEY

**bowoey:** great i was just about to ask

**Whip &MaeMae: ** OK so FMK

**Whip &MaeMae: ** Me

**bowoey:** kill mae

**Whip &MaeMae: ** Celica

**Whip &MaeMae: ** and Genny

**genny:** don’t include me in this i’m still in high school

**Whip &MaeMae: ** fine, Alm

**bowoey:** marry celica, fuck alm?

**Whip &MaeMae: ** WAIT

**Whip &MaeMae: ** WHY DID YOU KILL ME WITH 0 HESITATION

**bowoey:** well, that was fun. im gonna go to class now, bye

**Alm-ond:** there he oes

**Alm-ond:** after he said he would fuck me

**Celica:** Are you implying you would cheat on me.

**Alm-ond:** CELICA IM NOOOO I WOULD TELL HIM NO MEANS NO IF HE CAME NEAR ME

**Celica:** I was kidding.

**Whip &MaeMae: ** my class starts in a while too

**Whip &MaeMae:** bye ny’all

**Alm-ond:** WHY DOES SHE ACCUSE ME OF BEING A FURRY BUT SHE

**Whip &MaeMae: ** i dont kinkshame, i kinksame ;000

**Celica:** I don’t know

**Celica:** you seem like more of a nutty to me

**Alm-ond:** hahahaha

**Alm-ond:** thats cute

**Whip &MaeMae:** boey and i came up with it

**Alm-ond:** nebermind its not cutw anymor

**genny:** can you guys chat less on here my phones ringing in the middle of class

**Celica:** I thought you muted the chat.

**genny:** well i unmuted after i figured out how much receipts I could get from this

**Alm-ond:** HEY CELICA imm goigjn to a PARTY rtofingiht its at a bAR WANNA COMEEE B ABY

**Celica:** Definitely not.

**Alm-ond:** MMY BROKEN HERT ON THE GROUND AS I CRYY

**Celica:** Don’t forget I’ll be taking care of your drunk ass when you get home. In fact, I’ll probably? Be picking you up, ugh.

**Alm-ond:** YOUUU’VE SEWN  MY HERAT UP YOURSLE FI LOVE YOU

**Celica:** I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey nyall ;0  
> I said my friend and I were going to try and update every sunday and we already had this chapter done so why not?  
> saber makes his appearance in the next chapter for those of you who really like him????  
> so yeah!!!


	3. Mommy Saber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alm-ond: MAE
> 
> Alm-ond: YOU DIE NOW
> 
> Alm-ond: mae
> 
> Alm-ond: MAE DID YOU BLOCK ME

**Celica:** Guys

 **Celica:** I was picking Alm up from the bar

 **Celica:** And I met some guy

 **Alm-ond:** WHAT

 **Celica:** And he’s actually sane

 **Celica:** So I’m adding him

 **bowoey:** NO

 

 **_Celica_ ** _added_ **_Saber_ ** _to this chat_

 

 **bowoey:** what

 **Whip &MaeMae:** the

 **Alm-ond:** hell

 **Whip &MaeMae: **isnt saber like a spanish verb

 **Saber:** It’s my name

 **Whip &MaeMae:** and also a spanish verb

 **bowoey:** it means “to know” or something

 **Whip &MaeMae: **yeah!! we learned in spanish class in high school i feel old compared to you genny

 **genny:** screw u

 **Whip &MaeMae: **language~ u tiny tot

 **genny:** fuck u

 **genny:** wait

 **genny:** what did i miss

 **Alm-ond:** HHITOOTOOTT BARA MANANANANANNA

 **bowoey:** oh god it’s even worse when he’s drunk

 **Celica:** Guys stop bullying Alm.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** how can you not bully Alm

 **Alm-ond:** TTHTIIS M  ANDS TTYI TSS ARE LALWGRERR THAN  CELEIACAC SSS

 **Alm-ond:** _[Image]_

 **genny:** hot

 **genny:** im gonna call him daddy now

 **Saber:** I’d prefer to not be called “daddy” by a… A college student?

 **genny:** nah im in high school

 **Saber:** That’s worse, dear.

 **genny:** fine

 **genny:** can i call u mommy instead

 

 **_Saber_ ** _has left_ **_Alm’s Furry Funtime_ **

 

 **_genny_ ** _added_ **_Saber_ ** _to this chat_

 

 **_Saber_ ** _left_ **_Alm’s Furry Funtime_ **

 

 **Celica:** It’s fine we can pay him to join us

 **bowoey:** that’s not a good idea

 **Whip &MaeMae:** hey so you know how we say “argh” when we’re upset

 **Whip &MaeMae:** Well what if they said nyargh

 **bowoey:** no

 **Celica:** no

 **genny:** no

 **Alm-ond:** nyargh why is no one agreeing with us

 **Alm-ond:** waIT WHU IS THE CHST NAMW ALNS FURRY FUNTIME

 **Whip &MaeMae:** why did you spell your own name wrong

 **Whip &MaeMae: **;0

 **Alm-ond:** YOU DID IT SIDNT YO

 **bowoey:** if you really want to find out you should scroll up

 **genny:** don’t even bother i have receipts

 **Celica:** Or Alm could just ask

 **Whip &MaeMae:** WHTA

 **Alm-ond:** no celc i need to see this with me own two eyes

 **Whip &MaeMae:** RECEIPTS

 **Whip &MaeMae:** GENNY I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND

 **bowoey:** “celc”????

 **Celica:** “Celc”?

 **Alm-ond:** STPO BYLLYING ME

 **genny:** ok here they are

 

 **_genny_ ** _sent in a photo_

 

 **Alm-ond:** MAE

 **Alm-ond:** YOU’RE GOING TO DIE NOW

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _removed_ **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _from the chat_

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _renamed_ **_Alm’s Furry Funtime_ ** _to_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

 

 **bowoey:** for once I couldn’t agree more

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _has left_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

 

 **Celica:** Wait what’s he doing

 **genny:** probably going to murder mae

 **Celica:** Can’t he do that here?

 **genny:** where none of us can screenshot it :(

 **bowoey:** he could have just kept both of them in the chat

 **genny:** maybe it’s so boey can’t get mad at what he says

 **bowoey:** I wont get mad!!!

 **Celica:** Once we told mae her dress looked bad and you locked us in a closet. You said it was because you were the only person allowed to make fun of her.

 **bowoey:** WE WERE LIKE FOUR HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT

 **genny:** ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boeys jealous ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **bowoey:** IM NOT JEALOUS ITS NOT LIKE ALMS GOING TO HIT ON HER

 **Celica:** We’re already engaged Genny.

 **genny:** maybe boey’s mad because alms gonna hurt maes feelings

 **genny:** oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **Celica:** oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **bowoey:** IM NOT MAD

  
  
  


**_Alm-ond_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_XxxxXXxxXxx_ **

 

 **Alm-ond:** MAE

 **Alm-ond:** YOU DIE NOW

 **Alm-ond:** mae

 **Alm-ond:** MAE DID YOU BLOCK ME

 **Alm-ond:** MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  
  


**Celica:** Alm’s whining again guys.

 **bowoey:** keep him out

 **genny:** keep him out

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has added_ **_Alm-ond_ ** _and_ **_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _into the chat_

 

 **bowoey:** we said keep him out

 **Alm-ond:** MMEAANIE FIRST MAE BLOCKS ME NOW THIs

 **Alm-ond:** WHAT HAPPENED TO US HATING MAE TOGETHER

 **Alm-ond:** WWE WRE BROS

 **Alm-ond:** ALM AND JOEY

 **bowoey:** ITS BOEY YOU BITCH

 **genny:** this chat is wild

 **Celica:** I’m getting tired of this.

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_bowoey_ ** _and_ **_Alm-ond_ ** _from_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

 

 **Whip &MaeMae:** wait what happeded to the chat nam,e

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _from_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

 

 **genny:** Celica,

 **Celica:** Genny.

 **genny:** don’t kick me out i’m not done getting screenshots

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_genny_ ** _from_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

 

 **Celica:** No receipts for you.

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has left_ **_mae sucks lol_ **

  


**_genny_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_Whip &MaeMae_ **

 

 **genny:** mae

 **Whip &MaeMae:** yes ;0

 **genny:** i hate college students

 **genny:** anyway

 **genny:** you know how celica kicked us all out of the chat right

 **Whip &MaeMae: **yeah lol

 **genny:** well I think she left the chat after that

 **Whip &MaeMae:** so what

 **genny:** that means the chat’s gone

 **genny:** and I can’t finish getting screenshots of all the embarrassing things everyone’s said to each other

 **Whip &MaeMae:** i think I should be happy about that

 **genny:** no

 **Whip &MaeMae: **why not? :,(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **genny:** stop

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **Whip &MaeMae: **:’(

 **genny:** mae I’ll block you

 **Whip &MaeMae: **just like i did to alm ;0

 **genny:** no

 **Whip &MaeMae: **threatening to block me is only funny if boey does it

 **genny:** why

 **genny:** do you find that hot

 **genny:** is that some weird kink of yours

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** NO

 **genny:** well you’re not making it subtle

 **Whip &MaeMae:** well i don’t find it hot

 **Whip &MaeMae: **and I’m not kinky

 **genny:** but you do like boey

 **Whip &MaeMae: **N

 **Whip &MaeMae:** ok mae-be

 **genny:** QWGEHRTYUKYJTRHEWFDQ I KNEW IT CELICA OWS ME 20 BUCKS

 **Whip &MaeMae: **genny did you just use caps

 **genny:** i’m a highschooler nothing’s interesting to me anymore

 **Whip &MaeMae: **oh

 **genny:** besides your love life

 **Whip &MaeMae: **oh

 **genny:** anyways how’s life

 **Whip &maeMae: **boey hasn’t messaged me yet :’(

 **genny:** well

 **genny:** message him first

 **Whip &MaeMae: **THATLL MAKE ME LOOK DESPERATE NO

 **genny:** ok well i havent slept in three days im too tired to deal with this

 **Whip &MaeMae: **why are you so upset about the chat getting deleted then

 **genny:** i didnt get to screenshot the point where alm called boey joey and boey got mad at him

 **Whip &MaeMae:** oh yeah that's why I blocked him ;0

 **Whip &MaeMae: **no one degrades any friend of mine like that and gets away with it ;0

 **genny:** hey Mae

 **Whip &MaeMae: **whats wrong why did you capitalize my name

 **genny:** you and boey used to get into a lot of fights with random kids

 **genny:** i was just kind of wondering if any of them were over me

 **Whip &MaeMae:** oh

 **Whip &MaeMae: **actually the majority of them were

 **Whip &MaeMae: **not many people said bad things about celica

 **Whip &MaeMae:** plus it was easier to make the three of us angry if they said things about you

 **genny:** oh

 **Whip &MaeMae: **boey wont admit it though lol

 **genny:** he'll probably say you forced him to fight other people with you

 **Whip &MaeMae: **yeah probably

 **genny:** hey why hasn't celica added us back into the chat yet

 **Whip &MaeMae:** idk

 **Whip &MaeMae:** but you know what I think

 **genny:** what

 **Whip &MaeMae: **you should make a new one yourself

 **genny:** you know what

 **genny:** i think i'll do that

  
  
  


**_Alm-ond_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_xxxxxx_ **

 

 **Alm-ond:** BOEY

 **Alm-ond:** MY BRO-EY

 **Alm-ond:** I'M SORRY I CALLYD YOU JOEY

**Alm-ond:**

**Alm-ond:**

**Alm-ond:** NOT YOU TOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;0 it's later in the day than I usually upload but you know what have people screaming at each other  
> I know I promised saber but he's only in there a little and he's coming again next chapter


	4. Mae Tries to Loot the Alcohol Cupboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bowoey: she says “>;3”
> 
> genny: how do you even say that
> 
> bowoey: “right arrow semicolon three”

**_genny_ ** _has created_ **_New Chat_ **

 

 **_genny_ ** _has added_ **_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _,_ **_bowoey_ ** _,_ **_Saber_ ** _,_ **_Celica_ ** _, and_ **_Alm-ond_ ** _to_ **_New Chat_ **

 

 **genny:** im going to mute before anything happens

 **bowoey:** that's probably a good idea

 **Whip &MaeMae:** GENNY BBY YOU BROUGHT SABER BACK IN

 **Saber:** Why am I here?

 **Celica:** Wait, no. Please stay.

 **Celica:** You're the only sane person here besides me.

 **Alm-ond:** CELICA IM SANE

 

 **_Saber_ ** _has left_ **_New Chat_ **

 

 **Celica:** You became a botany major just because of the pun “Alm-ond” and now you’re failing your class because you have no real interest in plants whatsoever

 **Whip &MaeMae:** brutal

 **Alm-ond:** YOU DIDNT HABET OUT ME LIKE THAT

 **bowoey:** actually I think she did

 **Celica:** Also he almost drowned because he was hiding in the pool from Faye and he didn't think to come up for air

 **Whip &MaeMae: **whos faye

 **genny:** who’s faye

 **bowoey:** who’s Faye

 **Alm-ond:** NO

 **Celica:** She has a crush on Alm and he doesn't have the heart to reject her.

 **bowoey:** oh

 **Celica:** Actually

 **Celica:** I think it's more that she's head over heels for him.

 **Celica:** She's actually really nice, but she thinks if she talks to people they'll tell her she doesn't have a chance.

 **Celica:** I think she wants to indulge a little.

 **genny:** aren't you and alm getting married though????

 **Alm-ond:** YES

 

 **_Celica_ ** _added_ **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _to_ **_New Chat_ **

 

 **Fergie but Faye:** ZOODLES ARE THE BEST THING HUMANITY HAS EVER INVENTED AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE GET ME OUT OF THIS CHAT

 **Whip &MaeMae:** mila shes like alm but with good grammar

 **Alm-ond:** WHST ARE ZPODLESS

 **Celica:** See she can last a sentence without talking about Alm.

 **Fergie but Faye:** SHUT UP I LOVE ZOODLES ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE ALM

 **Fergie but Faye:** HAHAHA

 **Fergie but Faye:** ALM-OST

 **Whip &MaeMae:** have you ever seen a lowercase letter

 **Alm-ond:** WHAT ARR ZYODLEA

 **Whip &MaeMae: **man shes like the polar opposite of genny

 **genny:** don't drag me into this

 **bowoey:** actually I think she's a polar opposite of Mae because she actually has good grammar remember

 **Fergie but Faye:** THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

 **Whip &MaeMae: **>:(

 **Alm-ond:** W H A T  A R E  Z O O D L E S

 **genny:** do you really want to know so bad that you'll spell everything right for once

 **Fergie but Faye:** OK SO ZOODLES

 **Fergie but Faye:** ARE LIKE NOODLES

 **Fergie but Faye:** BUT THEY'RE ZUCCHINI INSTEAD OF PASTA

 **Whip &MaeMae: **EW

 **bowoey:** oh

 **bowoey:** that actually sounds pretty good

 **Whip &MaeMae: **EW

 **Celica:** What's wrong?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **ZUCCHINI IS MY LEAST FABOROTE VEGETALE

 **genny:** zucchini

 **genny:** zucc-ini

 **genny:** zucc

 

 **_genny_ ** _renamed_ **_New Chat_ ** _to_ **_zucc_ **

 

 **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _renamed_ **_zucc_ ** _to_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Alm-ond:** ZUKAIFBANNIS ARE SO DCYAKR WHAT THE AKG

 **bowoey:** i think zucchinis are pretty good

 **bowoey:** I've had a lot

 **Whip &MaeMae: **THARS BECuze YOU HAVE NO SENSE OG TASTE

 **Alm-ond:** dddddooodo youuuu THNIKKKK THATTAT YUOOO CNAN DOODLE BTUUU WITHTHHT

 **Alm-ond:** ZZOOODKKLESSS

 **Whip &MaeMae: **NOOOO I TRUSTED YOU ALM,

 **genny:** lol why would you trust that gremling

 **Alm-ond:** iii feeeelll in spiRED i wannaa draww w w a zoodle

 **Whip &MaeMae: **I trusted you,,,,, as a fellow ironic furry

 **Alm-ond:** who says i was being ironic lol

 **Whip &MaeMae: **WHAT THEH ECKK

 **bowoey:** ewwwwww tmi

 **Celica:** Do not worry, I am 80% sure that was a lie, or he doesn’t truly understand what a furry is.

 **Celica:** Alright, now that I think about it, maybe only 60%

 **Whip &MaeMae: **WWHY DID THE PERCENTAGE GO DOWNNN

 **Fergie but Faye:** hnnngh yes

 **Whip &MaeMae: **YOU’RE TOO NEGATIVE AN INFLUENCE ON ALM

 **bowoey:** but you are too, mae

 **Whip &MaeMae: **UHHHHHH ALMHASAFIANCEITSCELICASO

 **Fergie but Faye:** what???

 

 **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _removed_ **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** Did you really have to say that, Mae? Didn’t you just see what I said before I added her?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **I’M SORYRYRYRYRYYY

 

 **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _left_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **_bowoey_ ** _added_ **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _to_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** I’m going to go make sure she’s ok

 **Celica:** Yeah, she’s a bit confused but she’s ok. She just screamed, “I’ll beat you one day, no hard feelings,” and cackled and ran off.

 **Alm-ond:** faye rhymes wihte MAE

 **Whip &MaeMae: **ew lol

 **bowoey:** didn’t you just hurt that girl’s feelings

 **Whip &MaeMae: **IM OS SOR RRY

 **bowoey:** i’m too tired for this, brb taking a nap

 **Whip &MaeMae: **wow he actually apssed out oj the couch almost immegietly

 **Whip &MaeMae: **qwake up boobey or im gonna loot the alcohol drawer in ur apartment

 **Whip &MaeMae: **im doing it, theres four shots down

 **Celica:** Oh dear.

 **Alm-ond:** I WANANNA JOIGNNNN

 **Whip &MaeMae: **no screw u this is alll meine

 **Celica:** You’re going to get alcohol poisoning, stop.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** i wont get poisoned if i p e r s w r v e a r

 **genny:** you mean persevere right

 **Alm-ond:** gennys on!!!!! :D

 **genny:** i had to do the dishes ok

 **genny:** also go away alm nobody likes you

 **Whip &MaeMae:** ;3

 **Alm-ond:** YOU NYALL ATE LEGIR THE MNEENEST PWPLE IBE EBAAA MET

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _has left_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** I like you, Alm.

 **Celica:** Oh,

 **Celica:** He's already gone.

 

 

 

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_bowoey_ ** _!_

**Alm-ond:** tggANM MILA YOU UNBLOCCED ME

 **Alm-ond:** BOWY

 **Alm-ond:** BOEY

 **Alm-ond:** BOEG WAKE YP

 **bowoey:** what do you wna

 **Alm-ond:** HAHAHA YOU EPWLLES WANT QRONF

 **Alm-ond:** HAHAHAAHAHA

 **Alm-ond:** HAHAAHAHAH

 **Alm-ond:** NYAHAHAHAHA

 **Alm-ond:** boey?

 **Alm-ond:** BOEY

 **Alm-ond:** JOEY

 **Alm-ond:** HOEY

 **Alm-ond:** ARE U OK

  

  

  

  

 **_Celica_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_bowoey:_ **

  

 **Celica:** Boey?

 **Celica:** Are you doing ok?

 **Celica:** We're getting worried.

**Celica:**

**Celica:** Well, if you see these later make sure to respond.

 **Celica:** Alm says you might be “;)”ing Mae.

 **Celica:** If you are,

 **Celica:** Ahem.

 **Celica:** “Get some,” as they say these days.

 

 

 

 

 **genny:** did he respond

 **Celica:** He hasn't, yet.

 **Alm-ond:** TTHATS SMOE RREALL LON CANOODLE SWSSION

 **bowoey:** wow that's a lot of messages

 **Alm-ond:** BOEY I MISSED YOU MY BRO-EY

 

 **_bowoey_ ** _has removed_ **_Alm-ond_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** Are you ok?

 **bowoey:** i’m fine

 **bowoey:** mae’s not

 **genny:** did she die

 **bowoey:** the asshole actually went for the alcohol

 **Celica:** … So she's just drunk?

 **genny:** seriously boey you had us worried there

 **bowoey:** NO

 **bowoey:** sshe fell from the cuppoard

 **bowoey:** her headss vleeding

 **bowoey:** wwere at the hospitsl

 **Celica:** Wait, what?

 **Celica:** I thought she could reach the alcohol

 **genny:** boey moved it up

 **bowoey:** GENI THATS NPT HELPING

 **Celica:** Boey, it's not your fault

 **bowoey:** I WENT TO TALE A NAP AND SHE

 **bowoey:** THERE WAS GLASD ALL OVER THE PLAXE

 **Celica:** So Alm woke you up, Mae must have panicked and fell, then you cut off your sentence to go after her, right?

 **bowoey:** I THONK SO

 **genny:** see when Alm said you spelled something wrong I thought you and mae both got drunk and

 **Celica:** Don't finish that sentence.

 **genny:** i wasn’t going to.

 **bowoey:** im calm now

 **bowoey:** i thinl

 **bowoey:** mae says it doesn’t hurt as much as that time genny hit her

 **genny:** what

 **genny:** all i did was tap her what does she mean

 **genny:** is this why nobody high-fives me

 **bowoey:** the doctor says she’s going to need stitches but she’ll live

 **Celica:** I remember when Mae walked into a wall and had to get stitches.

 **Celica:** She wanted to hold all three of our hands.

 **bowoey:** but she didnt have three hands

 **bowoey:** so i had to hold her foot

 **genny:** hey you got the “honor”

 **bowoey:** her feet stink

 **Celica:** Are you with her right now?

 **bowoey:** yeah

 **bowoey:** she says “>;3”

 **genny:** how do you even say that

 **bowoey:** “right arrow semicolon three”

 **Celica:** Did Mae actually say that?

 **bowoey:** yeah

 **bowoey:** she says it helps take her mind off the stitches

 **Celica:** Where’s she getting them?

 **bowoey:** her forehead

 **genny:** oh

 **Celica:** Oh.

 **genny:** tell mae that we’re here for her

 **genny:** but don’t tell her i said that

 **bowoey:** she says “oooouooo celica thanks”

 **bowoey:** wait that’s spelled uwu

 **genny:** lmao

 **Celica:** She thinks I said that?

 **genny:** i can be a sap too thank you very much

 **bowoey:** i told her you said it

 **bowoey:** shes crying now

 **bowoey:** but that could also be because the doctor’s here

 **Celica:** Tell us how she’s doing when she’s done, okay?

 **genny:** tell her good luck and not to move

 **genny:** because then it would hurt a lot more than it needs to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a longer update than usual because??? idk i was writing my parts on mobile and we didn't pay attention to page count so it's longer than the others are  
> i might get to play echoes in a couple days though so im in a celebration mood ;0  
> also have faye


	5. Mae Burns Down an Apartment Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bowoey: pack up mae, we’re getting out of this stinking, half burned apartment
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: YEAAAAAA this place better beee LIT likeee boeye an our aparentmnet
> 
> bowoey: haha, don’t use “lit” in front of me ever again

**bowoey:** i swear anywhere Mae goes, she destroys everything

**bowoey:** we share an apartment, and

**genny:** a boy and girl together. spicy

**bowoey:** OK LISTEN the college dorms here are trashhh

**Celica:** No they aren’t, you just don’t like it when people have so many parties nearby and you aren’t/weren’t invited

**bowoey:** SHUT UP OK IM SENSITIVE MY EARS AND FEELINGS ARE SENSITIVE ITS TOO LOUD

**bowoey:** anyways mae tried to cook and she nearly burned down our apartment

**Whip &MaeMae: ** UHH I TOLD YOU TO HELP ME PUT IT OUT BUT OH NO, BOEY ACTUALLY BECAME TRANSFIXED WITH THE FLAMES AND WOULDNT STOP STARING

**Whip &MaeMae: ** HE WAS LIKE, “IT’S BEAUTIFUL,” AND TRIED TO TOUCH THE FLAMES

**Whip &MaeMae: ** AND THE ONLY REASON HE SNAPPED OUT OF IT WAS BC I SAID, “YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS BEAUTIFUL? DEEZ NUTZ”

**Whip &MaeMae: ** then he decked me and when i came to we were outside and there were firetrucks

**bowoey:** i had to lug her ass out of the building, but i’d rather deal with her unconscious than awake and annoying

**Whip &MaeMae: ** did u bridal carry me ;000

**bowoey:** no i pulled you by your foot, and dumped you in the outside trash can

**genny:** is this the second or third time boey held mae’s foot

**Whip &MaeMae: ** boey is an arsonist

**bowoey:** i don’t think that term is the best to describe that situation

**Alm-ond:** a masochsit???

**Celica:** No, Alm. A masochist is someone who enjoys hurting themselves. Sort of. Anyways, I’m pretty sure YOU are a masochist, Alm.

**Alm-ond:** BEAT ME BLACK AND D BL UE MONMMY 

**Celica:** Stop.

**genny:** correct term is “pyromaniac”

**bowoey:** uhhhhh fire is pretty cool though

**bowoey:** i wouldn’t say i’m obsessed with it but

**Whip &MaeMae: ** youd totally burn us down if it didnt hurt

**bowoey:** pyromania is a serious condition. do not make fun of it.

**bowoey:** anyways we’d all set you on fire even if it hurt

**genny:** seconded

**Celica:** What were you cooking anyways?

**Whip &MaeMae: ** i was uh making u guys a cake to apologize to boey for almost drinking all his alcohol

**Whip &MaeMae: ** but then i replaced some ingredients and i accidentally burned everything down

**bowoey:** how?? But also, uh, thanks

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IT WAS A VEGETABLE BASED CAKE BUT THATS DISGUSTING SO I REPLACED SOME THINGS WITH ORANGES AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS

**Alm-ond:** the vegetabl ess s ,,, THEYTRE COMI GN TO GET US we nede d to BURN THWB APARTMENY OR THEY WOUDLD HAVE KILLED US ALLLLSHKDSH\

**Celica:** No one needs your plant trauma right now Alm. You kill every plant you touch.

**bowoey:** what the fuck that’s disgusting i regret asking

**Whip &MaeMae: ** SHUT UP AT LEAST YOU GOT TO STARE AT YOUR FIRE, YOU PIRATE MANIAC

**genny:** *pyromaniac

**Celica:** By the way, pyromania is the impulse disorder in which someone can’t resist setting things on fire, and Boey just has a strange fascination. It might not be healthy, but it certainly isn’t pyromania.

**Celica:** So please drop the subject of that before you misinform someone.

**bowoey:** YEAH YEAH, IT’S NOT PYROMANIA, AND IT ISN’T WEIRD

**bowoey:** ANYWAYS SHUT UP MAE OK YOU’D TOTALLY LET YOURSELF GET ELECTROCUTED BY LIGHTNING, RIGHT????

**Whip &MaeMae: ** no

**bowoey:** WELL YOU THINK IT’S PRETTY RIGHT?? YOU’D WANNA STUDY IT??

**Whip &MaeMae: ** it can be pretty but no im not obsessed and i dont wanna study or get near it w/ a eetn foot pole

**bowoey:** yeah well, if we went out on a road trip, and there was a tornado and lightning, youd probably run towards it and die

**Whip &MaeMae: ** if the roadtrip is just the 2 of usss would it be a daten ;000

**bowoey:** YOU’D PROBABLY LEAVE ME FOR THE LIGHTNING

**Alm-ond:** HEY I WANNA GO ON A ROADTRIP W/ CELICA

**Celica:** That sounds fun, we could plan that or something.

**Alm-ond:** QITHT THE TORNADO AND LGIUTHNEIHNG BC THATD B COOCOCLL

**Celica:** Nevermind; I’d throw you into the tornado.

**Celica:** Boey, Mae, who’s paying for the damage?

**bowoey:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Whip &MaeMae: ** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Celica:** I’ll pay.

**bowoey:** you don’t have to

**Whip &MaeMae: ** YEAH YEAH we can pay together boey and i

**Celica:** I insist.

**bowoey:** then we owe you something

**Whip &MaeMae: ** WE’LL TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH, bring alm it can be a double date ;00

**Whip &MaeMae: ** jkjk

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IM TOO GOOD FOR BOEY, or i can pity date him lololol

**bowoey:** AS IF ANYONE WOULD WANNA DATE YOU, I’LL PROBABLY END UP BEING FORCED TO MARRY YOU BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO, AND THEN I’LL HAVE TO BABYSIT YOUR ASS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

**Whip &MaeMae: ** ;’0000

**Celica:** Do you need a place to stay?

**bowoey:** celica, you’ve done enough. we won’t room w/ you

**Alm-ond:** AYEEEE CRASH WITH MEEE

**bowoey:** YOU LIVE IN THE BOYS DORM, what about mae?

**Whip &MaeMae: ** awww thanks for caring for me boob ;00 but now you cnat escape me

**bowoey:** i have two brothers, they both live nearby, we can figure something out

**genny:** you guys are lame

**Whip &MaeMae:** N O THE LAST TImE WE STAYED AT YOUR BROTHER’S PLACE THEY SAOD I WAS AN UGNLY

**Celica:** No, I wasn’t suggesting you two room with me.

**Celica:** I’m concerned about what would happen to my apartment.

**genny:** don’t trust them celc

**Celica:** Don’t call me that.

**genny:** ok celc

**Whip &MaeMae: ** ok celc

**bowoey:** ok celc

**Whip &MaeMae: ** ok BUT I WANT a GOOD PLACE to stay at LIKE A PLACE that’s comfy and HAS PARTIES WOOT WOOT

**bowoey:** hell no, i can finally live in an apartment complex that isn’t blasting music at 3 am

**bowoey:** i have somewhere in mind

**bowoey:** i’m going to head over there and ask them, and if we get the thumbs up, then i’ll let you know and we can drag a backpack full of stuff each there

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**genny:** it’s been only 1 min, chill

**Whip &MaeMae: ** fine ill lessesen my questions to 1 per 3mins

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**Whip &MaeMae: ** IS IT GOOD

**bowoey:** i’m back

**bowoey:** pack up mae, we’re getting out of this stinking, half burned apartment

**Whip &MaeMae: ** YEAAAAAA this place better beee LIT likeee boeye an our aparentmnet

**bowoey:** haha, don’t use “lit” in front of me ever again

**genny:** he has trauma behind that word now

**Whip &MaeMae: ** THIS PLACE IS GREAT I’M SETTLING IN

**bowoey:** the owners of the apartment aren’t here until at least 3 am, so get comfortable because we’ll be alone for a while

**Whip &MaeMae: ** alone together oo~ how kinky

**bowoey:** i have the keys, you don’t, i WILL NOT hesitate to kick you out

**Celica:** You guys have a place to stay, that’s reassuring.

**Whip &MaeMae: ** hi celc

**genny:** hey celc

**bowoey:** yoo celc

**Celica:** Stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ny'all ;0  
> this update is as early as the first two were because I actually have access to my computer now  
> i'm not sure about the next couple of weeks because I'll be traveling but maybe I could upload the next chapters from a cell phone or have my co-author upload them


	6. Celica Really Needs a Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bowoey: SOMEBODY HELP
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: WE'RE HIDING IN A CLOSET SOMEOME PLEASE COME HELP US

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yyyoooo!!! ok, so it's actually the other creator uploading this for once, yea that's right, we actually share this account instead of having two different accounts and co-creating. i don't know how to name titles, so i'm just going to sit here and cry. enjoy the chapter, i suppose?

**_bowoey_ ** _is now chatting with_ **_Celica_ ** _!_

 

 **Celica:** So then Alm came in with a cactus.

 **Celica:** A cactus.

 **Celica:** And he says,

 **Celica: “** Celc,”

 **Celica:** “I underwatered this cactus and it died.”

 **bowoey:** how do you underwater a CACTUS I don’t understand

 **Celica:** I asked him that.

 **Celica:** He said he doesn’t know.

 **bowoey:** maybe he overwatered it????? and that’s how it died?

 **Celica:** Maybe.

 **bowoey:** or, as mae would say

 **bowoey:** “mae-be”

 **Celica:** How’s it going with her?

 **bowoey:** her stitches don’t hurt as much as they did the first two days

 **Celica:** That’s not what I meant.

 **Celica:** Romantically,

 **Celica:** How’s it going?

 **bowoey:** she's still “flirting” a lot

 **bowoey:** but it's less kinky than “boey’s little mae-d”

 **bowoey:** so that's better on my nerves

 **Celica:** That’s good.

 **Celica:** Anyway.

 

 **_Celica_ ** _is typing…_

 

Boey stared at the screen for a good while, waiting for Celica’s essay-long reply to show up. Mae's music blasted from her room so loudly the whole house was shaking. It wasn’t even _theirs_ , for Mila’s sake. Thank goodness the house owners were out.

Boey sighed. The music was giving _him_ a headache. Could Mae not hear it or something? She sometimes ignored him, so maybe her hearing wasn’t what it used to be. But then again, she could be pretending she couldn’t hear him so she could get out of chores.

 

 **Celica:** Maybe you could take her out to dinner? Show her you like her. But don't make it obvious. Don't just tell her. She'll think you're playing a trick on her. Don't do cliche couple things, because she's smarter than you give her credit for in this department. Maybe occasionally give a snarky reply to her fake flirts, but not all of them. You have to romance her.

 **Celica:** Sorry this took so long. I don't have autocorrect, and I like to keep my spelling intact.

 

He started typing his reply, when an ear splitting screech cut through the so-called peace. Then the music cut off.

“Mae?” Boey nearly fell off the couch.

No reply came.

“Mae, this isn't funny,” he slowly made his way over to her room.

 

 **bowoey:** what does that have to d I have to go.

 **Celica:**?

 **Celica:** Okay.

 

Boey crept over to Mae’s door, then burst in.

The room was completely quiet besides for a drawling, low creaking noise. The closet door. Boey realized too late what was happening, and he was dragged in.

“Mae?!” he asked, eyes wide, “What happened in here?”

Mae was- for the first time in her life- silent. She opened the door again a crack, and pointed at a spot by her window.

Boey’s scream was even higher pitched than Mae’s was just a couple minutes earlier.

 

 **bowoey:** SOMEBODY HELP

 **Whip &MaeMae: **WE'RE HIDING IN A CLOSET SOMEOME PLEASE COME HELP US

 **Celica:** What do you two want?

 **Celica:** If something is that urgent, you should call the police.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** WE CAN'T HE'LL HEAR US

 **genny:** who???? also isn't your phone getting messages

 **bowoey:** MAE MUTE YOUR CHAT

 **Whip &MaeMae: **he dosnt seem to hve seen us

 **Whip &MaeMae: **even tho boobey screamed so loud

 **Alm-ond:**??????? ARRNT THER PEPOLE IN YOUR HOUSE THOUGH

 **Whip &MaeMae: **WELL THIS ISNT ONE OF THEM IG THATS WHTA YOURE ASKINg

 **Whip &MaeMae: **ALSO THEYE STIL OUTY

 **Celica:** Do you guys want me to come in and help out?

 **bowoey:** PLEASE

 **Whip &MaeMae: **PLWAS

 **genny:** you're going to regret this

 **Celica:** Let’s hope it all turns out fine.

 **Celica:** And I don't have to hit anybody.

 **Alm-ond:** BUT CELC WE HAV A DATE TMRRW

 

Celica stared at the apartment door. She checked her texts from Boey once, then twice to make sure the address and apartment number was the right one.

It was.

Following Boey’s instruction, she lifted the welcome mat to find a spare key to the apartment taped onto the mat’s underside.

“How reckless, to leave the key in a place that’s this easy to be found,” she murmured, gently tearing the key from the mat.

She unlocked the door and crept into the house slowly, looking for the room that her friends were supposedly trapped in.

Mae’s door already had a paper sign on it. Seriously, how did she find the time to make those kinds of things? But nevermind that. Celica clutched the knife she’d brought in one hand, and the doorknob in the other. There was no telling who she’d find. Maybe some inexperienced teenager? Or a gangster who was just continuing his streak? Maybe even a murderer, if she was really unlucky.

But when she looked through the door, she found nobody.

Now she was beginning to feel confused. If there was nobody there, what was Mae and Boey’s reason for calling her?

Then she heard muffled sobbing. She swung open the closet door, and found both Mae and Boey huddled up in a corner. They looked up in horror.

“There _is_ an intruder,” Celica stated cautiously, “Right?”

“Yes Celica!!”

“Yeah,”

“Well, where are they?”

Mae raised a shivering finger and pointed at the window. Celica crept up to it, looking out the window.

“No, the windowsill,” said Boey, burying his face in his arms.

And right there, on the windowsill, was a single cockroach.

 

 **_Celica_ ** _removed_ **_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _and_ **_bowoey_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** That should be enough for them to think over their life choices.

 **Alm-ond:** HAHAHAHAHWBAH

 **Alm-ond:** NOW MAE DYES

 **genny:** i regret you ever meeting alm

 **Celica:** I regret everything.

 **Alm-ond:** WAITWAITWAWAWAWAWAWAIEHEUAUT

 **Celica:** What

 **genny:** at first i thought not having mae and boey in the chat would be boring but its just tiresome

 **genny:** because now i have to be the one who bullies alm

 **Alm-ond:** R00D

 **genny:** oh no he actually used zeroes instead of os

 **Alm-ond:** I HV E AMIFO WHO SAYS “NOW YOU DIE” A LOT

 **Celica:** *Amigo.

 **Alm-ond:** CN I ADD HIM IN THE CHAAT

 **Celica:** Sure?

 **genny:** no

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _has added_ **_now u die lol_ ** _to_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **now u die lol:** who is this

 **Alm-ond:** ITS A ME

 **Alm-ond:** AOM

 **now u die lol:** whos aom

 **Celica:** It’s Alm.

 **now u die lol:** oh

 **genny:** who’re you

 **now u die lol:** kliff

 **now u die lol:** who are you

 **genny:** genny

 **Celica:** Celica.

 **now u die lol:** whos genny

 **now u die lol:** o hi celica

 **Alm-ond:** CELC

 **now u die lol:** listen i dont have time for this

 **now u die lol:** im supposed to be a missing person

 **Alm-ond:** THATA ILEAGLE LOLOLOLOLOLLO

 **now u die lol:** call me back when theres actual stuff going on that alm didnt cause

 **Celica:** Mae and Boey are grounded, but they're usually here.

 **now u die lol** : who are they

 **genny:** sexually frustrated, that's who they are

 **Celica:** Genny!

 **Celica:** Don't say that, you're grounded too now!

 **genny:** wait i’m not done screenshotting what i called them

 

 **_Celica_ ** _removed_ **_genny_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **now u die lol:** now theres literally nothing going on

 **now u die lol:** bye

 **Alm-ond:** WAWAIWAHHEAIWAIT

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _added_ **_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _,_ **_bowoey_ ** _, and_ **_genny_ ** _into_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Whip &MaeMae: **owo whhoas thisss

 **now u die lol:** shouldnt the bowoey person be saying that

 **bowoey:** no she came up with the name

 **genny:** never thought i’d say this but

 **genny:** thank you alm

 **Whip &MaeMae: **DDDID U KNO ALM HAS A MOMMY KINK

 **now u die lol:** no and i didnt need to

 **Alm-ond:** THDSATS NPT TRUUU

 

 **_genny_ ** _sent an image_

 

 **now u die lol:** its a screenshot

 **genny:** that’s what i do

 **now u die lol: “** alm-ond: beat me black and d blue monmmy”?

 **Alm-ond:** GENNI DATS FOTOSHOPPED

 **Whip &MaeMae: **its not lol u kinkt alm

 **Whip &MaeMae:** buttt i was ttinking

 **bowoey:** Mae thinking? dangerous

 **now u die lol:** whats wrong with her thinking

 **bowoey:** last time she thought, she burned down an entire apartment complex then joked about “deez nutz”

 **Whip &MaeMae:** u’re alms friend right

 **Whip &MaeMae: **from when u 2 were kids

 **bowoey:** oh no

 **now u die lol:** celica was his friend too

 **Whip &MaeMae:** nyeah but she wont tell me any embarrassing childhood stories

 **now u die lol:** well he fought a sheep once

 **bowoey:** oh mila

 **Whip &MaeMae: **JREUAJRJAJEMAHSHQK3A0QKWN

 **now u die lol:** he lost

 **genny:** thank you

 **now u die lol:** for what

 **Celica:** Guys, stop bullying Alm.

 **now u die lol:** ok bye

 **bowoey:** hey, celc

 

 **_now u die lol_ ** _has left_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **genny:** hi celc

 **Whip &MaeMae: **Yooo CELC

 **Alm-ond:** SWEATY CELC

 **Celica:** I need a vacation.


	7. Self-Driving Were-Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Womanizer (Ooo): we’re carbon copies of each other
> 
> Tobi-poo: Shut up
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: ;00000
> 
> bowoey: shut up

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added  _ **_Tobi-poo_ ** _ ,  _ **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _ , and  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ into  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Alm-ond:** I CNANT ADD

**genny:** i don't think we needed to know how you do in math

**Alm-ond:** I HIT SEND TO EARLRLY

**Alm-ond:** I CSSNT ADD KLIFF

**genny:** obviously you don’t do well in english either 

**Alm-ond:** :((((((( U MEENY

 

**_genny_ ** _ has added  _ **_now u die lol_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**now u die lol:** i blocked you all after alm first added me

**now u die lol:** except for genny

**Tobi-poo:** GRAY!!! CHANGE MY NAME!!! THIS!!! INSTANT!!!

**Womanizer (Ooo):** nah, I’m too busy basking in the glory of having published the book I was writin ;0

**Whip &MaeMae: ** Y OY ALSO USE THAT FACE ;000000

**Womanizer (Ooo):** ;00000

**Tobi-poo:** STOP HITTING ON UNSUSPECTING GIRLS

**Whip &MaeMae: ** no iM susspectin im going along so bowy getz jeAlous

**bowoey:** STOP

**Celica:** Hi guys! :) I was getting coffee before I get on the plane.

**genny:** where are you going

**Celica:** I'm not telling you.

**Celica:** You'll follow me.

**bowoey:** you're going on vacation?

**Whip &MaeMae: ** WWWITHOUT NYUS

**Womanizer (Ooo):** aww Tobe, look they're like us

**Womanizer (Ooo):** we’re carbon copies of each other

**Tobi-poo:** Shut up

**Whip &MaeMae: ** ;00000

**bowoey:** shut up

**Whip &MaeMae: ** :(((( YOU NYURT ME YOU NYULLY

 

**_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Whip &MaeMae _ ** _ from  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Womanizer (Ooo):** NEVERMIND I’M NOT A FURRY

**bowoey:** she's only ironic shut up

**Womanizer (Ooo):** are you two married?

**genny:** not yet

**Alm-ond:** NTTOO YEET

**Fergie but Faye:** AWWWW WHEN’S THE WEDDING

**bowoey:** NO

**bowoey:** CELICA HELP

**Celica:** My plane’s taking off.

**Celica:** But seeing as you guys would destroy each other,

**Celica:** Here's someone who can help

 

**_Celica_ ** _ added _ **_Ginger Stud_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Ginger Stud:** Who are you guys?

**Alm-ond:** AOM

**Celica:** He's Alm

**Alm-ond:** ISSS DAT U IN UR PFP

**Alm-ond:** URE CUTE

**Celica:** I'm Celica, we met at the kiddie zone in the amusement park.

**Ginger Stud:** Oh.

**Fergie but Faye:** WHAT WERE YOU TWO DOING AT THE KIDDIE ZONE IN THE AMUSEMENT PARK?

**Fergie but Faye:** ALSO I’M FAYE

**Ginger Stud:** I work there.

**Celica:** I have to go now, bye guys! :))))

**bowoey:** did lady Celica just avoid Faye’s question

**bowoey:** i’m Boey

**Womanizer (Ooo):** I'm Gray ;00

**bowoey:** if you scroll up a bit you'll find the person Gray kicked out is Mae

**Tobi-poo:** I’m Tobin

**Tobi-poo:** Please help me

**genny:** genny

**now u die lol:** im kliff and im supposed to be a missing person so please dont talk to me

**Ginger Stud:** You all look like people who don't do anything worthwhile with their lives.

**Womanizer (Ooo):** EXCUSE YOU I PUBLISHED A BOOK

**Ginger Stud:** What

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Yeah it was called “Were-Cars! A Dealer’s Worst Nightmare”

**Alm-ond:** WHTA

**bowoey:** hold on a second

**Saber:** See, this is why I didn't want to stay

**Ginger Stud:** I'm so confused….

**genny:** I'm ACTUALLY MUTING YOU

**Alm-ond:** MILK SHE USED CAPS

**bowoey:** how dare you CALL MILA MILK

**genny:** no seriously I have a driver's test you guys will fail me

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Anyway ;0

**Womanizer (Ooo):** It’s about a disease that spreads around really quickly

**Womanizer (Ooo):** And the people who catch it have to watch out at night…!

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Because every third quarter moon they turn into…

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Self-driving cars!!!

**Saber:** Get this Twilight shit out of here

**Ginger Stud:** Why every quarter moon?

**bowoey:** hold on I need to

 

**_bowoey_ ** _ has added  _ **_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Whip &MaeMae: ** what the actual DUCK

**Whip &MaeMae: ** stupid autocorrect I meant DUCK

**Whip &MaeMae: ** DUCK

**Alm-ond:** HAHAHAAHAHAH DAS WY I DONT UUS AUTIWCORRC

**bowoey:** I can tell

**Tobi-poo:** Listen Gray you know I care about you and that's why I have to say your book fucking sucks

**Womanizer (Ooo):** exCUSE ME you know the phrase “self-driving were-cars” is ORIGINAL

**Alm-ond:** I WANNT CELC BACM

**now u die lol:** were enough u rood

**Saber:** Oh Mila do they all say rood

**Ginger Stud:** Well, you just said it too…

**Fergie but Faye:** KLIFF WERE YOU LURKING THIS WHOLE TIME

**now u die lol:** were you

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Hahahaha “were” get it because

 

**_Tobi-poo_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ from  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**bowoey:** thank you.

**genny:** i’m back

**Saber:** How’d you do

**genny:** i failed

**Ginger Stud:** That's okay. I don't know anyone who passed on their first try.

**bowoey:** I did.

**Whip &MaeMae: ** YEAH BOEY I GOT IT ON MY 13TH

**Alm-ond:** i gfot myne on MT FIRAT too

**Saber:** I don't believe that

**Alm-ond:** itss TRU 

**Saber:** I don't believe that

**Fergie but Faye:** IT'S TRUE BUT HE GOT IT TAKEN AWAY RECENTLY FOR DRUNK DRIVING AND THAT'S WHY CELICA HAS TO DRIVE HIM EVERYWHERE

**Alm-ond:** …. ON ANOTHR NOHT WHO WANTSZ TO TK ABT WHERE CARS

 

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Womanizer (Ooo):** I do ;0

**Whip &MaeMae: ** you are a DISGRACE to the ;0 face

 

**_Saber_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ from  _ **_ZUCC_ **

 

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**_Saber_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ from  _ **_ZUCC_ **

 

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**_Saber_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ from  _ **_ZUCC_ **

 

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**_Saber_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ from  _ **_ZUCC_ **

 

**_Alm-ond_ ** _ has added _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ to  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**_Saber_ ** _ has removed  _ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _ and  _ **_Alm-ond_ ** _ from  _ **_Z U C C_ **

 

**Saber:** That's the end of that

**genny:** mommy

**Saber:** Nevermind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ny'all it's me  
> The author who uploaded the other chapters  
> I poured my own blood into this chapter and I just finished it so you better like the were cars  
> It was an inside joke from summer camp and it's the best thing I ever heard ;]  
> Also Saber stays an entire chapter, Lukas comes in, and the rest of the ram village squad is introduced  
> Wish everybody good luck charlie


	8. Mommy Lukas (aka Mommy Saber pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celica has removed Ginger Stud from Z U C C
> 
> Celica: We are never adding ANYONE else into this chat, I wouldn’t want them to suffer.
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: sabers still here
> 
> Celica has removed Saber from Z U C C
> 
> genny: CURSE YOU MAE,,, i wanted to keep mommy around

**Celica:** This chat has become so hectic, I can’t take this anymore.

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _,_ **_Tobi-poo_ ** _,_ **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _, and_ **_now u die lol_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **genny:** aw man we were having such a great time too

 **Alm-ond:** B AB E

 **Ginger Stud:** Uh, what about me.

 **Celica:** You’re good.

 **Alm-ond:** BAB E YOU’RE B ACK from vaca i’m weeping i n happiness

 **Whip &MaeMae:** woah his grammar improved a bit now that your back

 **bowoey:** *you’re

 **Whip &MaeMae: **fuck off booby i didnt say my grammar improved

 **Celica:** Alm is perfectly proficient at typing, in fact, he types with both hands on the computer with all his fingers, and he’s even gotten to a “mph” of 114 on typing games. He just chooses to be a dumbass.

 **Alm-ond:** BA E B,,,,,

 **Alm-ond:** I ALM=OST D IESD WAITIGN FOR YUOOOO TO COME BACKC

 **Ginger Stud:** He kind of did, I went into his house a day after Cel left and it was a mess. She doesn’t even LIVE in his house, that Kliff guys just... stays with him.

 **Ginger Stud:** It looked like someone came and blew up his kitchen, and then proceeded to destroy his cabinet, throwing his clothing, especially his UNDERWEAR, all over the floor for everyone to see.

 **Ginger Stud:** And I think Kliff was sitting on a crying Alm.

 **bowoey:** what happened with the kitchen

 **Alm-ond:** me

 **Alm-ond:** KKLIFFF TOOK MY PHOENJ IGNORE TAHSTTSTG’

 **Alm-ond:** uhhghg i tried to cocok for myself and dsi follwoerdx maes rcipe in thsi bchat earlier bc itsa the only ohn e i could find and

 **bowoey:** what the fuck

 **genny:** WHY WOULD YOU USE MAE'S RECIPE that literally blew up a kitchen you DUMB SHIT

 **Alm-ond:** SHTUT UP it wasnt that bad,,, it think i messedxup

 **Whip &MaeMae:** dude i made that thing and even i regrtet it

 **Ginger Stud:** I feel out of touch.

 **Ginger Stud:** Moving on, I had to bring him to my apartment, and Python and Forsyth had to watch me…. Mother him for the next week or so.

 **Alm-ond:** III WASS DRUKGN THAT NGITHR IM NIOT NORMALLY LIEKS THISS

 **Alm-ond:** bbut i likded bein g mothere d so i stuck arrogund

 **Ginger Stud:** Oh Mila, I should have predicted that.

 **Celica:** I am so sorry about this.

 **Celica:** You won’t have to deal with Alm anymore, here.

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_Ginger Stud_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** We are never adding ANYONE else into this chat, I wouldn’t want them to suffer.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **sabers still here

 

 **_Celica_ ** _has removed_ **_Saber_ ** _from_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **genny:** CURSE YOU MAE,,, i wanted to keep mommy around

 **genny:** i’m gonna go look for his phone number

 **Celica:** No, it’s only going to be the five of us here.

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _has added_ ** _Lean on Me_** _,_ **_Kamwhee_ ** _, and_ **_BaraDaddy_ ** _into_ **_Z U C C_ **

 

 **Celica:** God fucking damn it Alm.

 **Lean on Me:** Hello there ladies. And gentlemen. Leon here, to serve you as best as possible.

 **genny:** what kind of name is lean on me

 **Lean on Me:** I did not set this name.

 **genny:** then why dont u just change it

 **Lean on Me:** That’s because...

 **BaraDaddy:** He only knows how to set names, not change them. He set mine, after all. He told me he doesn’t know how to change it. I am Valbar, by the way.

 **genny:** doesn't know how to change names huh

 **genny:** isnt that setting like

 

**_Lean on Me_ ** _removed **BaraDaddy** from  **Z U C C**_

 

 **genny:** the exact same as the option for setting the name

 **bowoey:** he's gone...

 **Lean on Me:** I had no idea

 **Kamwhee:** I’m Kamui, hey guys!

 **genny:** why did you kick him out of the chat then

 

**_Lean on Me_ ** _left **Z U C C**_

 

 **bowoey:** i’m boey.

 **Alm-ond:** ALM

 **Whip &MaeMae: **did no one notice CELICA CURSED

 **Alm-ond:** WHH R U TALK IN ABOT SHE CURSS A LOT

 **Celica:** Wait.

 **Celica:** Alm, these are people in MY contacts, you don’t know them. How did you..?

 **Alm-ond:** uh I MAMY HAVE RAIDED YORUE PHONE B4 U LEFR SO I WOULD HAVE MEMORISZ OF YOU

 **Celica:** That literally sounds like I was dying.

 **Kamwhee:** What do you actually do in this chat?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **UHHHH

 **Celica:** please no

 **Alm-ond:** THY BULLIE ME CONSTABTL

 **Kamwhee:**  ah that sounds boring

 **Kamwhee:** do you give out the winning lotto numbers

 **bowoey:** i wish

 **Alm-ond:** HEYHEHYHEY YOU SHOULDA BEEN HERE WHN I WAS GIVIN OUT JOBS

 **Kamwhee:** ...Is that offer still open?

 **Alm-ond:** YOU RMIND ME OF TOOBI

 **Alm-ond:** BUT NAH WE'RE FULL

 

_**Kamwhee** left  **Z U C C**_

 

 **Celica:** They’re finally all gone.

 **bowoey:** wait why didnt you kick em out yourself

 **Celica:** ... You're right

 **Alm-ond:** BAB EW NEED TTO WORKD ON ANNIVERSARY PLANS

 **Celica:** I suppose you’re right. Mae, Boey, Genny, do you have any suggestions.

 **genny:** HOW ABOUT YOU ALLOW ME TO STAY PAST 12 AM

 **Celica:** There’s alcohol, no.

 **Alm-ond:** LETETT HER HAVE SOME FUNN

 **Celica:** Do you want to get arrested?

 **genny:** quick question, why is the anniversary a party?

 **Celica:** Alm wanted a party, so we compromised. Day date, night party.

 **Celica:** Mae, Boey?

 **Celica:** Where are they?

 **Celica:** I’m rather worried.

 **genny:** u know who CAN help

 

 **_genny_ ** _has added_ **_Saber_ ** _into_ **_Z U C C_ **

**_genny_ ** _has renamed_ **_Z U C C_ ** _to_ **_mommy_ **

 

 **Celica:** Genny.

 **genny:** haha

 

 

 

_**Genny** is now chatting with _ **_Lean on Me_ ** _!_

 

 **genny:** tell me

 **genny:** you actually know how to change the name right\

 **Lean on Me:** How did you get my phone number?

 **genny:** i have my ways

 **genny:** anyways, answer

 **Lean on Me:** do you really need to know

 **genny:** i need to know everything

 **Lean on Me:** well then. Yes, I do know.

 **Lean on Me: I** f I changed it then Valbar would make me change his somehow.

 **Lean on Me:** None of my excuses would work.

 **Lean on Me:** And his name is funny

 **genny:** .

 **Lean on Me:** So I thought Valbar kind of needed some humor in his life

 **genny:** oh

 **genny:** does he find it funny

 **Lean on Me:** depends on his mood

 **genny:** oh

 **genny:** i thought you were teasing him

 **Lean on Me:** you private messaged me because you thought i was teasing him?

 **genny:** well yeah

 **genny:** before i met my friends a lot of people used to tease me

 **genny:** and it got to me

 **genny:** so im still a little sensitive about teasing

 **Lean on Me:** Don't you and your friends tease each other constantly?

 **genny:** hmm... you're right

 **genny:** but they don't seem to take it personally

 **genny:** except for alm, but celica says he's kidding

 **Lean on Me:** what about verb guy?

 **genny:** well celica did drag him in from a bar so...

 **Lean on Me:** ah

 **Lean on Me:** that's still pretty hypocritical of you though

 **genny:** you're right

 **genny:** i guess i have some things to work on

 **genny:** for now, though, i was making sure you knew your friend was ok with it

 **Lean on Me:** that makes sense

 **Lean on Me:** if you need help bettering yourself, I'll be here to listen

 **Lean on Me:** hey whered you go

 **Lean on Me:** Hello?

 **genny:** hold on smth happened in the main chat

 **genny:** but i think i might take you up on that offer sometime

 

 

 

 

 **Whip &MaeMae: **HE ACRTAULLY FUCKIGN KISSED ME

 **bowoey:** shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP I ONLY DID IT TO PROVE A POINT

 **bowoey:** WHY DID YOU AHGEV TO TELL THEM

 **Whip &MaeMae: **BECAUSE I’M IN SHOCK I THOUHGT YOU WERE GONNA BE TOO CHICKN

 **genny:** uh... congrats?

 **genny:** what point

 **bowoey:** THAT SHE WOULDNT SHUT UP UNLESS SOMEBODY SHUT HER UP

 **genny:** that's a lousy point

 **Whip &MaeMae: **AAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **bowoey:** AGHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Celica:** Are you guys alright?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **NO ‘M NOT

 **bowoey:** WE CAN’T GET IN A 10 FEET RADIUS OF EACH OTHER AND WE’RE ON EITHER SIDES OF THE APARTMENT we just moved back into our own yesterday, it’s fixed

 **bowoey:** i didn’t expect that mae would NOT PUSH ME AWAY

 **Alm-ond:** ohhffg did u make out for aibit

 **Whip &MaeMae: **NO NONONONONOOOO

 **genny:** k what do you guys suggest for the party

 **bowoey:** do WHATEVER

 **genny:** what about you saber?

 **_Saber_ ** _has left_ ** _mommy_**

 

 **_genny_ ** _has added_ **_Saber_ ** _into_ ** _mommy_**

 

 **genny:** that;s not helpful mommy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the the other author here to post it, because, yeah! Uhhhh, I wanna establish something because that's been bothering me. So it's less confusing, I'll be "shoeitchy" and the other author that's on more will be known as "Sealion"
> 
> edit: alm's apartment is now a house


	9. It Gets Wild (at Alm's House)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, yeah, Mae?” Celica shoved a plastic-covered hanger into Mae’s hands, “Here’s your dress.”
> 
> Mae quickly peeked under the plastic to see exactly what dress Celica had brought her. As soon as her eyes landed on the bright, sunny yellow of an emoji, she burst into tears at the spot.
> 
> “Nooooooooooooo…….”

**Celica:** Hey, uh….

 **Celica:** I'm not usually one for parties, but thanks, Alm.

 **Celica:** For everything.

 **Celica:** I'm pretty sure everyone's already at the party, but I just wanted to get that out.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **gae

 **Celica:** Mae? I thought you of all people would be too busy at the party to respond

 **Whip &MaeMae: **nyeah were all here but

 **Whip &MaeMae: **im hiding in the restroom

 **Whip &MaeMae: **boeys wearing a SUIT

 **Celica:** does it

 **Celica:** SUIT

 **Celica:** him?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **OGMYDJSJEAHHGSHMILA

 **Whip &MaeMae: **THIS IS THE PUBLIC CHAT CELC

 **Whip &MaeMae: **no but really I'm wearing a t shit and SHORTS

 **Celica:** T-Shit?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **I hate myseld

 **Whip &MaeMae: **but really can you bring me a dress

 **Celica:** Which one? I have a pink one with glitter that would match your hair, but I also have a floral patterned one that i know you like.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **get me the emoji one i ironically bought yuo for your birthday that one time

 **Celica:** Sure, I suppose. See you in a moment.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **THAT WAASSSS A JOKEK NOOOOO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** CELICA?????

 **Whip &MaeMae:** CELC NOOOOOOOOO

 **Whip &MaeMae:** CELICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Celica _heard_ the party before she _saw_ it. It was hard not to, in fact. Of any track Alm could have picked, he was stupid enough to blast _Who Let the Dogs Out_. Celica couldn’t believe she’d fallen in love with the literal dorkiest human on planet.

Speak of the devil.

Alm in question was screaming in frustration as he dug a sign into the grass. A little squinting revealed it said, _SHEZ L8 2 HER OWN PARTEE!!!! >:( _ She tried not to snort.

As Alm moved around to stick the sign in from the other side, Celica caught glimpse of another sign, with the words, _HAVE U SEEN MY GIRRLFRIEEND????? :’(_

She stood there for a couple minutes, watching him try to align the sign with the grass. After that, however, the stick the sign was taped- _taped_ \- to snapped in half. Alm fell to the grass. It was then that he noticed Celica staring at him.

“Oh,” she said.

Then she sat down next to him, trying to pat his shoulder.

“Celicaaaaaaaa...”

He sat upright and wrapped his arms around her.

It was just the two of them, staring at the night sky on Alm’s front lawn. Both of their fanciest clothes would probably end up with countless amounts of grass stains. Celica clutched the emoji dress she’d brought for Mae in one hand, and held Alm’s hand in the other. Truly, with _Who Let the Dogs Out_ getting louder and louder, this was the best date she could have ever asked for.

“Celica?” Alm laughed, “Why do you have an _emoji_ dress?”

“This is for Mae.” Celica gazed at the moon, which was the only visible celestial object in the sky.

“Is it for a prank or something?”

“No, she asked for it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Celica frowned, reaching for her phone, “See?”

Then she saw Mae’s most recent messages, and muttered a couple curses under her breath.

“Well,” said Alm, again, “Tell her to rock it and she’ll be fine.”

Celica shook her head, a smile on her face.

“By the way, I won some money in the lottery,” he held up his ticket, which had three _$1.00_ s in a row, signifying the amount of money he won.

“Let’s go inside,” she said, completely ignoring him.

But before they made it in, Alm stepped in a rather large ant hill, and the ants that exited looked extremely confused about a giant stepping on their roof.

“Don’t worry Celica,” he immediately stepped into a fighting stance, “I’ll crush these bastards!”

“Shut up, Alm.”

 

Mae twiddled her pointer fingers together. Where _was_ Celica? Her last text came about forty-five minutes ago, and the number of people in line for the bathroom was multiplying. Honestly, if she’d only came with a dress just in case, maybe she wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Too bad there was only one restroom on the first floor.

Too bad Alm had forbid anyone from going upstairs.

Too bad she couldn’t one-up Boey in a suit.

Boey.

Boey.

Boey.

As those series of thoughts bounced around her head, Mae decided that she had to face her own problems herself. The day would come when Alm and Celica got married and moved away, and Mae wouldn’t be able to rely on her as much as she did.

Besides, what if Celica couldn’t make it to the party for whatever reason?

Mae gathered her thoughts and stepped out.

And then she saw Boey in his suit and made a beeline in the opposite direction.

“I like your cats,” he said, after her beeline had taken her around a couple tables and back in front of him.

“Wubba lubba dub dub,” Mae scrunched her eyes up.

“Your shirt. It has cats on it.”

“I know, boob,” she gave him a light punch. Except it wasn’t that light of a punch. “I said, ‘I’m in great pain, please help me.’”

“You said wubba lu-”

“I know what I said, Boey,” Mae turned her head away from him.

It was then that the music switched to- Mae did a double take- _Who Let the Dogs Out_ and everyone either sat down out of sheer mortification or began rolling on the floor with laughter.

Mae was one of the latter types, if only out of the sheer surreality of it all. Alm’s playlist, which had been put together by him, Lukas, and Kliff a couple days earlier, was probably the worst she would ever lay eyes- _ears_ \- on.

“Hey,” both Mae and Boey said at the same time, “at least it’s not _Animals._ ”

The song faded out at just that moment, and the door burst open. Alm shimmied in and winked at the both of them, followed by an exasperated Celica. The former proceeded to skip to where Boey and Mae were standing, dragging his fiancee there with him.

In a couple seconds, _Animals_ itself began playing from the very playlist that had betrayed morality itself.

“Shut up, Alm,” Celica was repeating to herself.

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Oh, yeah, Mae?” Celica shoved a plastic-covered hanger into Mae’s hands, “Here’s your dress.”

Mae quickly peeked under the plastic to see exactly what dress Celica had brought her. As soon as her eyes landed on the bright, sunny yellow of an emoji, she burst into tears at the spot.

“Nooooooooooooo…….”

 

“Are you really Kliff?” Boey was asking the boy, “I thought you’d be more… rogue-y. You know?”

“Ass?” Kliff raised an eyebrow, rubbing at his sleepy eyes.

“Like, a Flynn Rider kind. I think he counts as a ‘missing person,’ technically. Instead you look like one of those boys from that one otome game. Also, your hair reminds me of a sheep. Like, fluffy and lowkey pink in this light. Wait no, it’s more like cotton candy. Like Genny’s. Is that gay?”

“Shit hell…”

Communicating with Kliff in real life would be easier if he didn’t talk in curse words.

“He- _llo_ boys!” screamed Mae as she exited the restroom the second time that hour, “And by boys I mean Boey.”

“I hate your emojis.”

“You liked my cats!” Mae slapped him, “Why don’t you like my emojis?”

“Because they’re bad.”

“Like you at everything you do? OOOOOHHH BURN!!!!”

“Mae, I would actually feel insulted if you didn’t have to use that phrase after every mildly offending thing you ever said.”

“Man,” said Faye, “I sure love Alm.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Boey.

“I was invited,” she grinned, “What are _you_ doing here?”

“We were also invited,” Mae intercepted.

“Are you Mae?” Faye cocked her head.

“Yep,” Mae winked, “Are you Faye?”

“The one and only!” Faye struck a pose, “But I’m actually here to fight you.”

“What?” said Mae, “Not if I fight you first!”

“Let’s go!!!” said Faye.

Poor Boey felt like he was going to explode. This wasn’t the first party fight Mae had gotten into. In fact, she claimed he’d been there at every one, and he’d had to help her fight nearly every time due to the amount of people she took on at once. Honestly, if Mae and Faye got into a fight right here and now, Boey would probably leave this party right now.

“With ROASTS!” Faye held up two fingers in a v-sign.

Mae and Faye immediately began throwing poisoned-tipped phrases at each other, giggling every time the other showed any sort of hurt when they said something. Boey backed away.

And away.

And away.

He bumped into Kliff, who was in the exact same place he was when Boey had left him.

“They are _ruthless_ ,” said Boey, grimacing.

“Damn, bitch.”

 

Genny was not happy.

She thought this might probably be a normal party, like one would see on television where people wore fancy dresses and didn’t actually dance. Where they stuck by the punch bowl and talked about whatever homework they were neglecting to do. Or whenever _Macarena_ played, the main character would giggle softly at her love interest and the movie would end with the whole cast dancing until the credits rolled.

This… was nothing like that at all. However, the more Genny thought about it, the more it seemed like she was wrong. Everyone _did_ wear fancy dresses. They _did_ stick around the punch bowl (at least, Python and Forsyth did), until a song they liked picked up. And _Macarena_ was bound to play any minute.

But this party was… different than the ones she saw in television. She didn’t know the reason, but somehow it felt disappointing. The characters in movies always seemed so excited to go to parties. But when Genny was here? At an actual party? It seemed like she was normally hanging around with her friends. Except with fancy food and expensive clothes.

“Food and expensive clothes never mix,” she said out loud.

“That’s the sad truth of things. Isn’t that always how things go?”

Genny’s grip tightened on her writing journal.

“Hello, Saber.”

“It’s pronounced Saber,” he leaned on the wall, “and I think I’m at least ten years older than everyone here.”

Genny frowned, “...I pronounced your name right.”

“Did you? I thought you and your friends pronounced it Saber.”

“No, that was a joke.”

A chant began to form around the center of the room. People quickly began gathering around the center. Genny tried to get a better look, and a couple guests moved aside so she could clearly see the scene in front of her.

Mae tightened one of her pigtails. Faye finished rebraiding her hair. Both of them flipped their hair, then stepped back until they were a safe distance away from each other. Then the roasts began.

Genny didn’t even get to fully comprehend the first one Mae threw at Faye before everyone watching started screaming. She caught a glimpse of Boey at the other side of the crowd, but once he looked back at her he gave her a pitiful grimace.

“ _Stop_ them!” she yelled, even though she couldn’t hear herself.

Boey shook his head. He wasn’t going to.

Genny stormed directly between Mae and Faye, and held her arms out in both directions. The room immediately went quiet, save for the _Macarena_ that was playing. Mae glanced at Genny, then Faye.

Then Mae yawned and fell asleep.

“Are you _Serious?_ ” Gray was screaming, “It’s not even eight o’clock yet!”

“Heyyyy, macarena…” Mae mumbled.

As the night droned on, one thing became abundantly clear. Parties in real life were definitely not the same as parties in television shows. And she may or may not have the events already written down.

But for the first time that night, Genny began to enjoy herself.

 

Alm was what you would call an airhead. Sometimes he just didn’t get things, no matter how much hints were thrown at him. Once his cousin came to visit and Alm hadn’t even known they were cousins until his cousin literally told him.

How did Alm even manage to _meet_ someone as amazing as Celica? She was the most beautiful, most perfect person he has ever laid eyes on.

And that was why this party had to be the best he could make it. For Celica.

But, maybe she’d ruined it herself by being an hour late. Alm could count a number of bleeding cuts on his hands from trying to stick the signs in the ground.

“Hey, Alm,” Celica smiled softly at him, “Let’s get those cuts fixed up, alright?”

He took back every single thing he’d just thought.

“I love you,” a couple of tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“Oh, Alm,” Celica rolled her eyes.

After she wrapped two obnoxious bandages around his hands, Alm was allowed to go back to the extremely loud ballroom the party was hosted in. In his way out the door, he turned back, and gave her a quick smile. Celica smiled back.

Alm couldn’t describe Celica’s smile in words. It spread across her face, highlighting her dimples and putting a rosy glow to her cheeks. Anyone who looked at it for too long would find time slowed down. It was… beautiful.

But maybe he did just describe it in words.

“Alm!” Faye ran up to him, “Genny just stopped Mae from roasting me! Do you know what that means?”

“Mae?” Celica rolled her eyes, then went to go check on her.

“No,” Faye called after Celica, “it means Genny’s really cool!”

“You two should talk!” Celica shouted above the noise.

Faye thought about this a bit, then said, “Nah.”

Then she skipped away, and Alm couldn’t see her anymore.

He looked around a bit, and had to admit to himself that the party was one of the best he’d ever thrown. In fact, even Genny was now trying to get Kliff to dance.

Speaking of dance, Alm never got to ask Celica to dance with him yet. Leaning on the wall next to the door, he scanned the crowd for her. However, a booming sound knocked the door off its hinges.

“ _This party is over_!” Alm’s cousin Berkut stormed through the now open doorway. There were bags under his eyes. “I’m _trying_ to sleep!”

“Hey, Macarena…?” Alm smiled nervously, even though the macarena had ended ages ago.

Everyone with a decent view of the event grimaced as Berkut’s fist connected with Alm’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYY NY'ALL IT'S SEALION  
> so uhh we didn't have this chapter ready by last week so we just skipped an update.  
> sorry ;0 but we hope you enjoy this one  
> i think i enjoy putting the literal weirdest things i can think of on the spot in this story  
> buuut yeah!! here it is ;9  
> -Sealion


	10. The Deliverance Moves In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alm-ond: you don’t want a JOB, Tobin?????????
> 
> Tobi-poo: no
> 
> Fergie but Faye: TOBIN! WE GET PAID!!!
> 
> Tobi-poo: oh then im in!!!

**_genny_ ** _sent an image_

 

The aftereffects of the party was rather devastating to Alm’s house. There was confetti and trash everywhere, and food was crushed on the ex-dance floor, which had now reverted back to the living room except much dirtier. The party decorations had been hastily stuffed into a box in the corner of the kitchen, and the half drunk bottles of alcohol were all sitting on the kitchen counter wasted. Glass from an empty smashed beer bottle stuck into the wall, and Celica deeply dreaded thinking about how the neighbors, landlord, and police would react to the partially destroyed front lawn of the house. The signs that Alm had attempted to put up while drunk, previously endearing, were now a huge problem for them to deal with.

She sighed, turning to her current concern. Alm laid on the couch groaning from his hangover and still reeling from the punch he had received from his cousin.

The door of the house suddenly swung open, with Mae and Boey bickering loudly in a noisy entrance.

Celica cleared her throat. “Guys, I don’t ask much from you, but I really need you to help me clean this mess up.”

“Sorry, Celica,” the two losers sighed.

They started cleaning. “Genny got to stay the entire party this time because of Alm’s bitchy ass neighbor.”

“You mean cousin.” Boey puffed some hair out of his face and dragged the trash can over to the center of the room. “Show him some respect, _fugly_.”

“It’s only 12 am, can we drink some more?”

“No” Celica snapped at them.

Mae piped up, “We need after party selfies, guys! I mean, we’re all ruffled up and sexy after this dancing.”

Celica decided to let Mae get a pic of Boey, because she understood Mae’s thirsty demeanor, but quickly kicked their asses back to work.

“Celica,” Alm rubbed his nose, which was beginning to bruise, “I feel like I’m going to die, so I have to tell you this before my soul leaves this realm.”

“What is it Alm?” Celica went dokidoki bc she was beginning to realize how sexi her boyfriend was.

“Nyaaa~ ur so kawaii, and i dont deserve ur pert little ass, im so annoying sometimes” aml purred.

There was a sudden crash in the kitchen. “Ah, Kliff has probably finally woken up.”

“ ** _FUCK SHIT BITCH ASSDAMNPUSSYASS_ ** ”

“SHUT UP ASSHOLE, GO BACK TO SLEEP BEFORE WE CALL YOUR PARENTS,” Mae screamed back.

“Celica…” Alm groaned, “I really like how on Wednesdays, you always wear pink, because you’re afraid Regina George’s gonna come and get you,”

Celica whipped her head to stare at Alm, “How did you know I did that?”

“Well, you do wear pink every Wednesday,” he gripped her hand, “Also, I read your diary.”

Before Celica could yell at him, Mae threw Boey into the kitchen table, and Kliff shrieked that he’d have to pay for the new one.

“Also,” Alm continued as tears began to well up in his eyes, “Thank you for sticking by me for so long. Every day that passes by, I… I fall more in love with you every day!”

“Alm, you _sap_!” Mae heaved Boey up from the floor, “You’re drunk, go home.”

Genny then took that moment to pop up from under the couch with a spiral full of notes.

“Genny?!” Celica looked _mortified_ , “I thought you took the cab home!”

“Nah,” said Genny.

“Mae, drive Genny home.”

“ _What?_ ” Boey staggered into the living room.

Celica thought through her options, then changed her mind, “ _Boey,_ drive Genny home.”

“That’s what I thought,” Boey shook his head.

“No! No! If Boobey drives Genny home she’ll seduce him and I’ll be lonely!”

Boey and Genny ignored Mae and left anyway.

 

 **Alm-ond:** Goad mmmornin Im feeling better

 **genny:** why

 **Alm-ond:** because CELC WAS AMMAZ and ashe hellpes me

 **Celica:** Aww <3

 **Alm-ond:** <333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **genny:** ew nevermind

 **Whip &MaeMae: **I’m mmad at nyall of nyou

 **Celica:** Why?

 **Whip &MaeMae: **you made BOOBEY DRIVE GENNY HOME

 **bowoey:** We passed Lukas’s house and he was outside having tea, but he stopped us and said he wanted to talk to Alm

 **genny:** when did that happen

 **bowoey:** u were asleep

 **genny:** shoot

 **Celica:** Wasn’t it midnight though?

 **bowoey:** that’s why it was weird.

 **Alm-ond:** Luke ass was dvrinkin covfefe at midnight?????????????????

 **genny:** and he wants to talk to you too, apparently

 

 **_bowoey_ ** _has added_ **_Ginger Stud_ ** _to_ **_mommy_ **

 

 **Ginger Stud:** Hello, Alm.

 **genny:**??????? and genny lmao

 **bowoey:** me too

 **Alm-ond:** why ddisnt u privat msg me

 **Ginger Stud:** I don’t have your contact information.

 **Celica:** What is it you needed to tell Alm?

 **Ginger Stud:** We have an opening for a job.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **why Aom though??? ;3

 **Ginger Stud:** He is rather good with the kids, right? I see that he is able to live with Kliff well and peacefully, and his bickering with Genny seems natural and playful. Also, he is rather… childish.

 **genny:** I’MM NOT A KIDDDD

 **Alm-ond:** OKK THANKIES FOR THE CPMPLIMENTO ILL DO IT

 **Ginger Stud:** Great! Do you know anyone else who would also be up for the job?

 **Whip &MaeMae:** ID LIKE TO WORK WITH KIDS

 **bowoey:** im coming with you so you don’t mess anything up.

 **genny:** am i even in the legal age to work

 **Celica:** I think Lukas is ignoring us, guys.

 **Ginger Stud:** Alm? Are you still online?

 **Alm-ond:** NYE HOLD UP IN GETTiM MY FEIRNDs

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _created_ **_New Chat_ **

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _renamed_ **_New Chat_ ** _to_ **_Ram Village Squad (+Thot)_ **

 

 **_Alm-ond_ ** _added_ **_Tobi-poo_ ** _,_ **_Womanizer (Ooo)_ ** _, and_ **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _to_ **_Ram Village Squad (+Thot)_ **

 

 **Fergie but Faye:** WHY IS IT RAM VILLAGE + THOT? WHO’S THE THOT?

 **Alm-ond:** HHEY DOYS ANYONE KNOS HOW TO ADD LLICC TO THE CJZT

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** u know i think i know why he blocked u

 **Tobi-poo:** he LIVES with you alm!!!!!!!!!!

 **Alm-ond:** hes ifnoing me

 

 **_Fergie but Faye_ ** _added_ **_now u die lol_ ** _to_ **_Ram Village Squad (+Thot)_ **

 

 **now u die lol:** what do u want alm

 **Alm-ond:** LukE ASS oferred nyus a JOB

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** Wow!!!! I’ve never had a JOB before!!!! Unless you count _Were Cars!_ but i dont think that counjts

 **Tobi-poo:** no

 **Alm-ond:** you don’t want a JOB, Tobin?????????

 **Tobi-poo:** no

 **Fergie but Faye:** TOBIN! WE GET PAID!!!

 **Tobi-poo:** oh then im in!!!

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** Hey, you all know I’m an idiot, and I like impressing girls, so if I get so slay dragons, maybe the princess would fall for me. (.v.)

 **Alm-ond:** NNO OFENSSE GREY BUT WHTA IS YHAT FAXE

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** what, (.v.)?

 **Alm-ond:** YES??? UT LPOKS SO,,, WEIRD???

 **Womanizar (Ooo):** YOU’RE BULLYING Me.

 **Tobi-poo:** guys?????/

 **Tobi-poo:** i think faye already got to the amusement park

 **now u die lol:** uhhh yeah so have i

 **Alm-ond:** WHATTATAT

 **now u die lol:** yeah and if you dont come soon faye and i are buying a pie and smashing it in your face.

 **Alm-ond:** NO I HAVEVE A D8 W CELC TONIGHT I HAVE TO BE CLEEN

 **Tobi-poo:** aight im on my way!!

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** Don’t text and drive, Tobin!

 **Womanizer (Ooo):** Only the Were Cars do that.

 **Alm-ond:** GRHYJRUKRJ%YTH$GRQ#QTHYJU^ ARE YOU A WHERE CAR TOBIN

 **Tobi-poo:** No!!

 **Tobi-poo:** Im taking the bus…

**Womanizer (Ooo):**

**Womanizer (Ooo):** Damn.

 

“Alm,” Lukas looked up, surrounded by all four of Alm’s friends, “I refuse to believe that it took you three hours to get here when your house is four miles away.”

Alm took a deep breath. “I was fighting brigands and leveling up so I could be prepared!”

“And you brought someone with you?”

“Oh,” Alm blinked. “This is Silque. I thought she had nice blue anime hair so maybe she’d be a great actor.”

Lukas thought about this, before turning to Silque. “Why do you want to join the Deliverance?”

“I like Mila and helping kids,” said Silque.

“Wow,” said Faye, who was suddenly gaye, “That’s such a coincidence! I love Mila and helping kids too! Too bad I love Alm more.”

But when she looked up, everyone had deserted her. Everyone but Kliff.

“First ones in, last ones out,” she shook her head.

“Faye, you just cockblocked yourself,” said Kliff.

“No, I didn’t,” Faye protested, “I was just telling her the truth. I just met her.”

“Kliff! Faye!” Gray’s voice called out. “You guys are missing _out!_ ”

“Coming!” shouted Faye, and dragged Kliff towards their friends against his will.

 

The Deliverance’s stage was small. In fact, Tobin was pretty sure the _backstage_ was spacier than the _actual_ stage.

“Look, guys,” Gray was telling Kliff and Faye, “That’s _Clive_!”

“Who’s Clive?” Tobin asked, mainly to spare Kliff and Faye the embarrassment of asking it themselves, even though he was pretty sure neither of them cared.

“ _To_ bin!” Gray looked absolutely _scandalized_ . “Clive is a really famous actor! And he was _born_ here, too, so you have no excuse for not knowing him.”

“How come he’s short on actors, then?”

“I- well, he- uh…” his eyes shifted over to Clive, “Shut up, Tobin.”

“Who’s this?” A tall man standing next to Clive stared down at Alm.

“This is Alm,” said Lukas, “he lives nearby.”

“I told you to get _actors,_ ” said the man, “Not _this_ little mess.”

“Hey!” Alm protested. “I’m a BIG mess!”

“Think, Fernand,” Clive tried to reason with the man, “This is your future coworker-”

“No, he isn’t.” Fernand eyed Alm as if he were garbage. “You’re hiring inexperienced _children_ to work for us. I’m out.”

And he was. Fernand stormed off the stage.

“What the fuck?” asked Kliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey nyall ;999  
> harvey hit us pretty hard so that's why there was no update last week. this update's pretty long though.  
> but if you see something like  
> “What is it Alm?” Celica went dokidoki bc she was beginning to realize how sexi her boyfriend was.  
> “Nyaaa~ ur so kawaii, and i dont deserve ur pert little ass, im so annoying sometimes” aml purred.  
> please remember this was a joke fic in the first place ;999 also its funny  
> but yeah fernand's just a meanie  
> like me because i accidentally deleted my main fire emblem echoes save :((  
> I HAD A LEVEL TWELVE PRIESTESS DELTHEA AND I WAS AT THE DUMA BATTLE IM SO ANGRY  
> -Sealion


	11. DANCE 'TILL YOU'RE DEAD BOEY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genny: compelling, but i have homework probably
> 
> Saber: I guess I will help with the construction, Celica.
> 
> Celica: Thank you.
> 
> genny: IM GONNA GO FOR MOMMY

**genny:** hey remember when alm screamed begone thot at the little children he was performing for and then that guy fernand showed up and fucking cried

 **Alm-ond:** SSSSSHUT UP THAT WS SO LONG AGO WHYY WODUNT YOU FDROP IT

 **genny:** yes

 **genny:** anyway your definition of long isnt long i mean look at ur peen

 **Alm-ond:** W HTA????

 **Alm-ond:** BBUT,,,,, i-immm sa saexy nutt

 **genny:** listen i remember being seated at the front of the performance for being mistaken as a “child under the age of 11” after some stranger (it was mae in a trenchcoat) tried to kidnapped me and shove me into their car. fortunately i knew it was mae begging me to go with her so i went with her, but then i found kliff there too

 **Alm-ond:** KKKILFFFF IS A CHLIDJDN TEHRY WOUDLTN HET HE-IM PEROFJM

 **genny:** we’re both 18 YOU DINGUSES THAT’S WORKING AGE AND WE’RE going to go to college??? next year

 **Whip &MaeMae: **that’s bc ur a hard femme with 0 tit

 **genny:** SHUT UP YOU HAMBURGER PATTY BOOB NOT EVEN BOEY WOULD EAT THAT TIT EVEN IF IT CAME WITH BUNS AND KETCHUP

 **Whip &MaeMae: **i let you see the show???? and THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?? i’m gonna cry time to get out my alcohol so i can COPE qith your insults

 **Alm-ond:** I AM A SEXY NUT

 **Celica:** There were no spelling errors? Alm, are you alright

 **Alm-ond:** i am a spooookye scaryayy sexyxyxyx ntuu

 **Whip &MaeMae: **the show reminded me of furry rp

 **Celica:** It was nowhere near close to furry roleplay.

 **Whip &MaeMae:** IT HAD ALM IN IT THAT’S ENOUGH OKK

 **Celica:** But did you know? The play always has the same plot, but different people would die in it depending on the flow of the play at the time. So there could be a route where everyone died, or a route where nobody dies, or a route where just Alm died.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **OH SO IF I WERE AN ACTRESS BOEY COULD DIE

 **bowoey:** what the fuck why is it “if you were an actress” that would have nothign to do with me WHY QOULD I DIE

 **Whip &MaeMae: **bc if im in a play your  gonna b my sexi childhood friend husband ;999

 **bowoey:** are you calling me hot? ;)

 **bowoey:** because i disagree with genny, you have the buns to your hamburger patty boobs HAHAAHA

 **Whip &MaeMae: **YOURE BEING MEANNNNNN IM NOT A HAMBUREDGER

 **Whip &MaeMae: **and bbbfore you say my HAIR IS NOT SALMON

 **genny:** it is though

 **Whip &MaeMae: **YOUR HAIR IS PINK TOO OK ITS SLAMON TOO

 **bowoey:** nah her hair is fluffy unlike a salmon

 **Whip &MaeMae: **ANYWAYS id be a hot actress whos husband dies and i cry with tragic backstory

 **bowoey:** i definetly won’t miss you

 **Whip &MaeMae: **rude, you will

 **bowoey:** maybe

 **Whip &MaeMae: **I LOV YYOU TOO BOO ehehehe

 **bowoey:** if i did die, it’d be so realistic that you’d actually cry alright

 **Whip &MaeMae: **IF YOUR SO GOOD AT HIDING EMOTIONS LETS SEE HOW LONG YOU CAN KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE while we do somehtgint to you

 **Whip &MaeMae: **uhhhhh hb pissing on you??

 **bowoey:** i hate you

 **Alm-ond:** HIEOGSEUIOHU9SGHIOFB HAUNTED HOUSE

 **bowoey:** alm it’s not halloween or even october

 **Celica:** I’ll go recruit some people to set one up, I’ve been cooped up for so long it’ll be exciting.

 **bowoey:** recruit??? ok but thats kind of extra

 **Celica:** Don’t worry, I’ll be asking Saber and Berkut and Lukas and everyone.

 **bowoey:** also, isn’t this to sudden? why is everyone agreeing i’m

 **genny:** i agree with boey, hell no i’m not gong

 **Whip &MaeMae: **you can see boey piss his pants??

 **genny:** compelling, but i have homework probably

 **Saber:** I guess I will help with the construction, Celica.

 **Celica:** Thank you.

 **genny:** IM GONNA GO FOR MOMMY

 **Whip &MaeMae: **if boobey doesnt go i wont cook, wash the dishes and his clothes, or go grocery shopping for him ever again

 **bowoey:** I DO ALL OF THAT ALREADY, NOT YOU, YOU’RE NO HOUSWIFE I FEED AND COOK AND CLEAN YOUR SHIT

 **Whip &MaeMae: **thats why youd be my hubby in the play ;0 i won’t bye you liquor

 **bowoey:** *buy

 **bowoey:** i hate everyone here

 **Celica:** Alright! I’ll tell you when the date is set.

 

A quick glance at his watch told Boey that he and Mae were early. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets and burying his head deeper into his scarf. Haunted houses were definitely not something he enjoyed ever since Mae left him in one all alone for hours. This was the last place he wanted to be, so why did he just have to be early?

“When will those snails get here? I’m gonna die before we even enter the house and watch you die, agh,” Mae slung her arm around his shoulder, pouting as Boey swatted her arm away.

“Oh, very funny,” he snorted, “Maybe I’ll just sacrifice you to the monsters in a moment of panic.”

Once again, she pouted. “You love me too much to do that, you boob.”

“I suppose I do,” Boey murmured, staring back at the impromptu haunted house.

Mae’s flirting, whether it was a joke or not, had simply been integrated into their banter. It felt like ages ago where whenever Mae shot a pick up line at Boey he would actually panic and become flustered. He had gotten used to it, and would often played along with her teasing. Too bad his feelings for her _hadn’t_ disappeared, even with the comfort between their exchanges.

“Hey Mae,” he announced. “If I ever get scared in the haunted house, I’m gonna hold your hand.”

Mae’s expression morphed into one of surprise, before she laughed. “Of course, Boobey, anything for you to not piss your pants.”

They floated back into silence for a few minutes, and Boey’s thoughts drifted until finally, a scream cut through the air.

“Shut the FUCK up Alm, I swear, don’t chicken out on me now. Boey’s going and I’m sure he’s terrified too, so please just come with us to the entrance at least!”

“I THOUGHT I WOULD BE A PART OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE AS THE SEXY ALMOND, I NEVER WANTED TO GO THROUGH IT, THEY’RE GONNA KIDNAP ME AND ROB ME OF MY GOOD LOOKS AND BRILLIANCE! CELICA IF YOU TRULY LOVED ME YOU’D LET GOOOOO!!!”

“I hate my friends for all that they’re worth.”

Genny trudged forward to Mae, waving at her as Celica dragged Alm over to the the rest of the group, dropping her boyfriend onto the ground harshly.

“Alright, so unless anyone has any objections, we’re going in. Our friends worked hard to get this haunted house done, so I’d appreciate if everyone went in. Also, Alm, you don’t have to, but I need someone to protect me while I’m in there, so I’d prefer if you went in,” declared Celica.

Her fiance lit up, putting his hands to his hips and claiming that he would “never let her be touched by those monsters,” and Boey watched as a smile grew on Celica’s face.

Clapping her hands together, Celica announced the rules of the haunted house (ex: actors can touch you but you can’t touch them, don’t trip or hurt other people including the people you’re going with), and ushered them inside.

A feeling of dread quickly crept up Boey’s spine as he entered, his eyes casting downward to avoid looking at whatever may lay ahead. The atmosphere was eerily off from most haunted houses, as it seemed much too quiet and the decorations were scarce as far as he could see. From his side he could hear Alm whine to Celica to hold onto him tightly, and behind him, Genny muttered a curse.

Suddenly, he felt a hand grab his. In surprise, Boey looked up to see Mae smile at him softly. He swallowed, and quickly pressed forward through the house. As much as he didn’t want to stop holding Mae’s hand, he wanted to get the haunted house over with.

Boey climbed the stairs only to feel a hand creep onto his shoulder. His hold on Mae’s hand tightened only for a shriek to escape her lips as she was dragged into the curtains, violently ripped apart from him. He distantly sensed Alm trying to kick the curtains while screaming, while Genny begged for someone to “fuck her up the ass.”

“We need to keep going,” Celica firmly spoke up, putting his hand on Boey’s shoulder. “We can’t turn back now, unless you’re too uncomfortable.”

She pointedly looked at Boey. “Are you alright to move on? They won’t hurt her, you can just meet us all back outside.”

“I-I, uh, yeah. I want to keep going, see what they’ve done with Mae.” Celica raised an eyebrow, but turned back.

Her hand remained on Boey’s shoulder.

 

There were no more incidents of kidnapping throughout the second floor, and although one of the jump scares nearly made Boey let out a sob, most of them were mild and he had only screamed because of three of them.

A tap on his shoulder made his skin crawl, as Boey remembering Mae’s capture. He turned to let out a girlish scream only to see Genny holding onto his sleeve, holding a finger to her lips.

“Are you faring well,” she whispered, squinting up at him.

“Well considering I haven’t shit myself or started crying, I think I’m doing well?”

“You’re doing better than me alright, if you guys weren’t here I think I would have just ran through the entire thing. Also, I kind of really wanna go home right now, but we still need to finish going through the first floor. And find Mae, if she isn’t already outside.”

Boey laughed weakly. “It’s all fake, just remember that. Otherwise the three little girls earlier would have made you one of them. Besides... I’m pretty sure the girls were Lukas, Python and Forsyth.”

Genny frowned, “They were still terrifying and surprisingly accurate.”

In front of them, Alm opened a door only for a clown to scream at him and for him to nearly slam the door onto the clowns face, while Celica marched onward.

 

The next hallway’s floor was covered with open coffins. As the group started to weave through them, Genny tugged on Boey’s shoulder and pointed at one of the coffins.

As Boey leaned closer in to look, he could barely make out the familiar features of the girl in the dark.

“Mae?” he whispered.

“She looks so… dead.”

“SURPRISE!” Mae opened her eyes suddenly, a large smile on her face. Boey shrieked, scrambling backwards only to hit his foot awkwardly on a coffin and fall.

As Genny went to try and help Boey up, the other girl rose from the coffin.

“What do you think? I texted the group working on the project and asked to scare y’all because Boey’s just so cute when he’s scared!” Mae flashed a peace sign at them, winking.

“You asshole, I think I twisted my ankle!”

“Oh. Fuck.”

“What is going on here? Mae?” Celica rushed over to Boey, with Alm trailing behind her.

“Mae’s back and Boey’s ankle is fucked up like my sleep schedule is gonna be after this haunted house,” Genny replied.

Without saying a word, Celica scooped up Boey, carrying him bridal style, and resumed trudging though the coffins onward.

“What the fuck?” Mae's question sounded more like a statement. “How is she able to carry him?”

“She carries me like that when I’m drunk or passed out,” said Alm.

“Damn, she’s truly wife material.”

A screech up ahead of them indicated that Celica and Boey had found the next jumpscare.

 

 **bowoey:** i think that made my fear for haunted houses worse you guys, especially because of you, mae

 **Whip &MaeMae: **i’m sorrryyyyyyy

 **bowoey:** i forgive you, you’ve apologized like thirty times since i returned from the hospital. you’re just stupid, remember not to do dumb things anymore

 **genny:** did it really make it worse? i feel like it increased your fear for some other things, but not haunted houses

 **bowoey:** i suppose you’re right

 **Alm-ond:** THENN MAYEBE WE CNA GO TO A HAUNTED HOUEE ON REALL HALLOWEEN OGETHER ADN WE’KLL BE YAAAAY

 **genny:** no

 **Whip &MaeMae: **hell no

 **bowoey:** no

 **Alm-ond:** :((((

 **Celica:** Alright. We’re all making thank you and apology cards to the people who set up the haunted house. Meet me at my house at 5.

 **Whip &MaeMae: **nyikes ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like shoeitchy wrote this entire chapter and i just proofread it this time so GIVE HER SOME LOVE GUYS  
> also i made delthea a preistess in my new echoes playthrough again!! too bad genny's got more attack and defense than Mae so was hard to level mae up  
> but its ok because she and boey are still horribly op ;9  
> -sealion


	12. Faye's Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nyehehehehe Saber you’re still single,” Celica read aloud, “Come talk to me when you won’t scare little kids.”
> 
> Saber turned and exited Celica’s house.

The meetup at Celica’s house went about as well as anyone expected. 

“Alright,” Celica had said, “We’re not leaving for dinner until every single one of you has finished both your cards. No snacks, no naps,  _ no _ casualties.”

Five minutes later Alm told her he was hungry.

“That’s your fault for eating dinner so damn  _ early _ ,” Mae winced.

Alm leaned back and promptly fell asleep.

“Did Alm just break two of Celica’s rules?” asked Genny, whose card was blank besides the words ‘I’m sorry I cursed so much.’

“One,” Boey rolled his eyes, “he hasn’t actually eaten yet.”

Alm opened one eye, “Thank you so much for sticking up for me, Joey!”

“Actually it’s two, he just killed me.”

Mae then began to scream because Alm had just “killed her beloved,” and Alm continued to ignore her and whine about dinner. Genny then made the mistake of saying her thoughts out loud.

“When are the mommies coming?”

Then the room was dead silent. At that exact second, the door rang, and Saber and Lukas barged in. Lukas then took out a granola bar and bit into it. Alm shrieked and headbutted him because “how dare he eat in mockery of us minions?” and then Celica read his note in front of everyone.

“Nyehehehehe Saber you’re still single,” Celica read aloud, “Come talk to me when you won’t scare little kids.”

Saber turned and exited Celica’s house.

And with all three of Celica’s rules broken, she gave up and let the group go out and eat dinner.

The next day was a big day for the Deliverance. They would fight Desaix and take back Zofia Castle. The amusement park staff had let them advertise the program a week before, and the two frontmost rows were reserved before Celica even called in. Mae didn’t know why, though. Alm’s acting wasn’t the best. When she told Alm, however, he hissed in her face and threatened to make Celica “Ragnarok  Ω” her, because he hadn’t learned “Scendscale” yet. Mae then told Alm that it must have been his “time of the month.”

“What does that mean?” asked Alm, who then promised he would ask his grandfather if no one responded.

“Uh,” said Genny.

“Uh,” said Boey.

“Uh,” said Celica.

“Right arrow semicolon three,” said Mae.

Faye, who was still wearing her werewolf costume from that morning, slammed her fork down. She’d been repeatedly furryshamed by Mae, and each time she asked why she’d get “right arrow semicolon three” as a response. Faye was, quite honestly, tired of this.

“You’re still wearing that?” asked Gray.

“Yes,” said Faye, “Silque said it was cute.”

“Silque is a furry.”

“Not everyone’s a furry,” said Boey.

“But Silque is most likely a furry. She ties her shirt’s duck tail at the back.”

“Silque isn’t a furry,” said Faye.

“She is,” said Gray.

Then Faye picked her fork back up and tried to stab Gray with it. He was at the other end of the table though, so she had to lean over and stretch her arm out. Gray picked up his own fork and the two then began to sword fight.

However, since Gray was playing a mercenary and Faye a cleric, Gray had sharpened up on his “sword-using techniques,” and seemed to be winning the battle. Then Faye said, “No more!” and whacked him with her fork. Then, she grabbed his plate of spaghetti.

“Aah, the good old Nosferatu critical.” Tobin leaned backwards in his chair.

“What about that made you even think it was Nosferatu?” Celica asked.

“She stole Gray’s life force,” said Alm, “that’s how Nosferatu works.”

“Did you see that, Alm?” Faye asked, with her mouth full of cold spaghetti.

 

Faye usually didn’t like waking up early, but Deliverance shows were pretty high up on her list of favorite things. Most of the little kids loved her, because they thought she was “bringing the hurt good guys back to life.” They also really liked Silque’s blue anime hair, even though they thought Alm’s was tacky.

Faye’s class had changed to saint the last program they had, and even though Clive thought that they maybe shouldn’t “over level” everyone too early so there would actually be suspense, Alm wanted to make the clerics tank everything for him.

The show would start in thirty minutes, Clive informed them, and he would have been busy getting ready if Alm hadn’t decided that he wouldn’t fight in the upcoming battle because his resistance was so bad that a magic user could literally poke him and he would faint.

Faye hadn’t seen Silque the entire morning, but a little girl had come up to her and told her how nice her dress was.

“Thank you!” Faye smiled.

“Pink is my favorite color!” the little girl said, “And you’re my favorite character! I like how when someone attacks you, you can attack back and hit them  _ really  _ hard!”

Honestly, if Silque hadn’t come backstage at that exact moment, Faye would have burst into tears.

The little girl turned around, and gasped, “Silque! You’re amazing too! Warp is my favorite skill so far, and you have a really high attack. Maybe put a leather sheild on, because it doesn’t weigh anything and you need the extra defense, okay?”

Silque looked absolutely bewildered. Before she could reply, however, the girl turned and ran out of the room while shrieking that she talked to Faye and Silque.

“Silque,” Faye stated, “the show is about to start in fifteen minutes.”

“Oh,” Silque shuddered, “Aren’t you going to go talk to Alm for luck?”

Faye took a moment to look around. Light wafted through the open door, and kids were screaming outside, because the little girl had  _ gone backstage and talked to Silque and Faye when only actors were allowed backstage. _ The little girl kept squealing about how she saw Silque in her new dress, and how she wished she could wear one like it. Alm could have been a world away at this point, but Faye couldn’t bring herself to see why she would go after him right now.

“Nah,” she said.

 

“Now, then!” Alm was shouting at the top of his lungs, “ _ Who  _ will defend Zofia?”

“ _ We will defend Her! _ ”

Nobody really  _ had _ to shout. They were doing it for what Alm claimed was “artistic dramatization,” even though Fernand had dropped in to “politely” inform him that artistic dramatization didn’t exist. And then to kick his face in.

But the audience loved it, and they were soaking up every word. Boey claimed the night before that the audience’s taste in men was almost as bad as Celica’s. Then he proceeded to apologise to Celica, but not to Alm. 

Faye didn’t know why Boey thought Alm was that bad of a guy. He was a pretty good leader. Sure, he did have really stupid ideas, but they could have worked out if his friends were willing to put in  _ just a little more  _ work into them. Alm was pretty smart, up until high school, which was when he met Celica. She then began to spoil him by doing his homework and coming over to cook for him, and he fell behind.

Back in seventh grade, Alm was hung up on the human body, and he wanted to build a robot. He tried to figure out how to build it himself, but when he couldn’t, he asked his friends for help. Faye had said that “maybe he should wait until he was more experienced,” and expected at least  _ Gray  _ to call her a party pooper and help him out. but then even he  _ agreed _ .

When Alm gave up on his robot, Faye immediately told him she was only joking and she wanted to help, but he shrugged her off. After that, the guilt weighted on her shoulder led her to make it her personal mission to support him through thick and thin, no matter how unlikely his ideas seemed.

And that’s how it went. Until he met Celica.

Faye was so caught up in ranting about Celica that she hadn’t noticed she’d plowed through an entire rooftop full of archers, and now Clive’s little sister, Clair, could fly through.

“We’re Alm-ost to Desaix!” Alm cheered, and looked around as if he expected to be targeted by literally every other soldier Desaix had.

“We need that Dracoshield, Alm,” Tobin whined, “so how do we lure out Slayde?”

“Who’s Slayde again?” Kliff whispered, who’d been inching slowly towards them the entire time.

“Why, thank you for asking, Kliff!” Alm let out a hearty laugh and made sure the entire audience heard him, “Slayde is the man who tried to kidnap my childhood friend CELICA when we were still kids, before she had to leave!”

Celica, sitting in the third or fourth row, looked  _ mortified _ . Apparently she hadn’t been paying attention during Alm’s fifteen-minute monologue during the first program.

Alm had portrayed her as a little girl who’d come to his village ten years ago looking terrified and unwilling to cooperate with anyone. But slowly she’d begun to warm up to him, and they became friends. But before their relationship got any further, a group of knights had stumbled upon their village and found her. Alm, his grandfather, and his friends managed to drive them away, but his grandfather told him that Celica had to go.

Faye remembered a couple parents crying about how “tragic” it was. They’d never even  _ seen  _ Celica.

“Ahahahaha! Desaix is cornered!” Alm sneered at the poor actor playing Desaix.

Then, Alm, Tobin, Kliff, Gray, and two actors by the names of Forsyth and Python took turns hitting Desaix.

“Thank Mila for the ‘one damage minimum’ rule,” said Python, whose attacks never hit.

“Come on, guys,” Clair pegged them on, “three more hits and he’s dead!”

Lukas had been taking all of Slayde’s hits and blocking his exit. Slayde was dealing a pitiful amount of damage to him, but every time he almost died, he would run back to the supplies to heal himself. Lukas wasn’t supposed to follow. Otherwise the battle would have ended without the Deliverance grabbing Desaix's Dracoshield. They only needed to deal three more damage to Desaix.

The bad news, everyone had already hit Dexaix. Silque had used her turn to heal Forsyth, who’d taken a massive counterattack.

The only person who could move was, well, Faye.

She couldn’t afford to miss Nosferatu. If she missed, Desaix would kill Python.

So she readied Seraphim.

“You can do it, Faye!” the little girl from earlier that day had reserved a front row seat, apparently, “Pummel him! For Alm!”

“For Alm!” Faye cheered.

She whacked Desaix with her staff, which then lit up brightly…

And dealt a solid three damage to Desaix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ny'all  
> I hope you liked last week's update ;99999999999  
> I'd like to say I used this extra week to make our already finished chapter longer, but  
> i did it all today lmao  
> Anyway I like Faye but everyone complains about how she's hung up on Alm all the time,,, so I came up with a reason for that!  
> Also if you draw anything for this story tag @sealion-sandy and @bobo-the-monkey-ghost on tumblr and we'll check it out!!


	13. Obligatory Angst Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘If I can’t sleep, then I’m going to go drink alcohol.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so late but i didnt want to drag it out another week so it's a halloween update so!!! hehe happy halloween  
> also we're probably gonna start finishing up the fic. i estimate about 2 more chapters? maybe?  
> sorry if the writing becomes trash, because the entire chapter was writing, it was unnatural 'cause neither authors know how to write angst. and i'm so tired of writing so it gets pretty bad near the end. the pacing was rushed, and it just... ew. ANYWAYS WE'RE GETTING THE NORMAL CHAT FIC HUMOR AFTER THIS CHAPTER SO!!!!! dw
> 
> ALSO!!! next week or so is Sealion's birthday so wish her a good one!
> 
> -shoeitchy

The entire town was dark. Bathed in pitch, black, darkness. The only light was the blurry, dim light of the moon, which was gently covered by clouds.

Boey squinted, his eyes adjusting the lack of light. He quickly reached into his pocket, searching for his phone and a source of light. A yelp escaped from his lips as he felt something wet instead. Wincing, Boey fished the item out of his hand, barely making out a headband soaked in blood.

“Oh fuck me,” Boey hissed, “that’s Celica’s, isn’t it.” Dropping it quickly, he looked around, inspecting his surroundings more.

The alleyway he was standing in waHe was standing in an alleyway in a city packed with buildings. s definitely a part of the same city that he lived in, but, unlike his town, it seemed completely abandoned. It was a couple streets away from his own apartment. He took a few tentative steps forward, glancing down the street. It was so eerily empty. There was no cars, no people bustling through, and yet there wasn’t anything creepy to match the atmosphere.

“I’ll just walk back to my apartment, then figure out what to do from there.” Boey stepped out of the alleyway and continued down the street in a brisk, panicked pace, his heart beating in his chest wildly.

Thump.

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump thump.

THUMP.

“Boo!”

Boey shrieked, nearly tripping before someone grabbed his hand and pulled him up. For a split second, a half melted face seemed to appeared in front of Boey’s face, before he realized it was Mae simply smiling down upon him.

“Did I scare you?” Mae giggled.

Boey vomited onto her shoes.

 

“Jeez, you really suck. Throwing up on my shoes? And they were my favorite too!” Mae ran up towards Boey, who was walking once more.

The boy sighed, shaking his head. “This place is so creepy, so the fact that I threw up on your shoes was karma. How can you be so light hearted?”

Mae’s facial expression flickered momentarily, revealing terrified eyes and a face as pale as the moon, before changing back to her usual cheery smile. “If I wasn’t telling myself to laugh and mess with you, then I probably would have started crying.” She pinched Boey’s cheek, laughing weakly.

“Anywho, where are we headed? I know that we should keep moving in this eerie situation, but I’d prefer to know where.”

Boey raised an eyebrow at Mae. “I want to head towards our apartment. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling we might figure something out when we get there. We’re only like, one street away now.”

Boey stepped off the sidewalk, narrowing his eyes. Their apartment building was finally in sight, yet for some reason it seemed off.

“Boey, move!”

The college student felt Mae grab his collar and jerk him forward violently with her. They fell onto the ground, Boey toppling onto Mae.

“Ow…”

Ignoring Mae’s whines of pain, Boey turned back to watch as a car crashed into a telephone pole.

Boey stared wide-eyed with horror. “What-”

“Did that car… nearly run us over?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Boey could see Mae shrugging. “Strange isn’t it? And there are no other cars or vehicles in sight.”

“I know that…” Oh. _Oh._ Boey whipped his head back towards Mae. “What the fuck? No, wait, seriously, what?”

“I saw it purposely change lanes when it was headed towards us, so unless I’m overthinking something, I think it was trying to run us over.”

Boey stood up, stepping over Mae carefully and cautiously walking towards the smoking car. He stepped over the broken glass, before lightly resting his hand on the edge of the driver's side window and peeking inside.

“What. The fuck.”

Boey leaned away from the car and puked again.

 

“Hey! What’s going on, Boey, Boey are you ok?” Boey looked up to see Mae babbling in worry.

“I’m going to throw up on your shoes again, move.”

Mae sidestepped quickly. “What’s in the car that’s gotten you so shaken up?”

Boey pointed at the driver’s seat.

Inside, there was a body. It’s features were distorted horribly, like a hideous glitch inside of a video game, but it was still recognizable. Whenever the light flickered, it seemed to morph between identities. Stab wounds seemed to litter

“Hey… Why does that thing look like Alm or Genny?”

Boey merely whimpered in reply.

Mae nodded. “Yeah… let’s just get out of here.”

She quickly grabbed Boey’s hand and ran towards the apartment at full speed. Wildly lunging for the apartment building’s door, she grabbed onto the doorknob and flung the door open. Boey followed Mae inside nervously, shutting the door behind him.

“There’s no light in here. Fuck,” Boey hissed, groping the wall for any sign of a light switch.

Mae swatted his arm away from the wall. “As if they’re going to have a light switch out in the open for random strangers to screw with the lighting,” she scoffed. “Don’t worry, I’ve stumbled home blindly while drunk so many times this will be a piece of cake.”

Boey swallowed, nodding slowly. He felt his body be dragged forward, and he allowed to be lead in quiet submission. As they came to a stop, he faintly heard Mae’s finger push a button.

“Wait a second, I don’t think we should go on the elevator. I mean, have you seen all those horror films? Things always get messed up when they use the elevator.”

“Boey, our apartment is on the seventh floor, for god’s sake. I’m not walking.” The exasperation in Mae’s voice was practically tangible.

“I’ll carry you, jeez, please, can we just use the stairs?”

“No offense Boey, but you carrying me is going to spend way more energy we could be using to fight the creepy stuff than using the elevator.”

A quiet ding indicated that the elevator was open. “If anything happens to us, I’ll sacrifice myself for you, alright Boey?” Mae sighed, pulling Boey into the elevator with her. The doors closed with a clunk, and Mae quickly pressed their floor’s button.

“You’re being ridiculous. I won’t allow you to die on me.”

Mae stared at Boey with wide eyes. A smile quickly grew on her face.

“And I you.”

  


The elevator dinged quietly once more, indicating the arrival of their designated floor. As the doors opened. Boey took a deep breath, grabbed Mae’s hand and walked out the elevator with her. He quickly approached their apartment door, and set his hand on the knob.

“It seems to be unlocked. So this is the moment of truth, huh,” Boey turned momentarily to Mae, a nervous lopsided smile on his face.

Mae laughed and punched his arm. “Just open it already, ya goon.”

Boey chuckled, turning the knob and opening the door.

A sudden sharp inhale, and Boey was suddenly unable to breath.

Mae was hanging from a noose on the ceiling, her throat slit and her eyes crying blood. As Boey’s breathing became increasingly erratic, he felt the grip around his hand tighten. He slowly turned his head to face the Mae with a death grip on his hand, and was met with a melted and distorted body of her, with a huge smile on her face, and her eyes blurred and dark. Before Boey could react, everything went to dark.

“Oh, fuck!”

Boey’s eyes shot open.

He glanced around his surroundings. As light gently poured out from the window, it revealed the rest of Boey’s bedroom to him. Everything was calm, with the only sounds being Boey’s ragged breathing and the swishing of cars speeding through the street below. The alarm clock flashed with bright red numbers, indicating the unholiness of the time. The sheets Boey laid on were sticky, warm and uncomfortable, drenched with sweat.

Covering his eyes with his arm, Boey laughed miserably. He wiped the tears threatening to spill and turned over in his sheets.

“What the _hell_?"

 

Mae yawned. It wasn’t her plan to wake up at 2 am, but here she was, wide awake with nothing to entertain her but the teasing lilt in her head poking and prodding her feelings for her roommate. She had tried counting sheep, listening to music, and everything else, but nothing seemed to work.

Sighing, she rolled off her bed. She had come to an important conclusion.

‘If I can’t sleep, then I’m going to go drink alcohol.’

She tiptoed into the kitchen and pulled out Boey’s secret stash of wine. Popping it open quickly, she started chugging.

A sudden feeling of dread crept up Mae’s spine. She set the wine bottle down, and crept to Boey’s room, opening it slightly.

“Yo, you can’t sleep either?” She raised a hand in greeting at the bundle of blankets.

Boey grumbled, and Mae slipped into the room, closing the door behind her. She jumped and pounced the bed, grappling Boey through the sheets. She laughed, before spotting Boey’s distraught expression.

Surprised, she sat up. “What’s up?”

Boey sighed. “I… had a nightmare. I guess that’s why I can’t fall asleep.”

Mae furrowed her eyebrows. “Tell me more. It’s better not to bottle it up,” she declared, lifting up the covers and sliding in next to Boey.

“Well, we were in an abandoned city. This city to be exact, but abandoned. And we went to our apartment…” Boey trailed off, shuddering.

Mae reached out and hugged Boey, petting his head. “Go on,” she coaxed. “What happened next?”

“Well, all of a sudden, you were dead, and… I really don’t want to explain any further, or it’ll just get too grotesque.”

Mae smiled. “Well, I’m alive and kicking aren’t I? I’m not evil, or dead.” Putting a finger to her chin, she added, “Or, y’know. Dead. If you don’t mind, I’m going to stay here for the rest of the night so you aren’t scared again. Geez, we aren’t even in a haunted house right now.”

Laughing, Boey grabbed Mae’s hand and used it to poke her cheek. “Thanks. How did you know that I was awake anyways?”

“You weren’t snoring like usual, so I was worried,” The pink haired girl winked, sticking her tongue out. “Now go to sleep! I don’t want Celica to know you had a nightmare, she’d probably skin me alive and blame your nightmare on my haunted house incident.”

“It was probably your fault though.”

“Well, I’m making it up to you right now! I’m sorry alright?”

The two settled into a comfortable silence, and soon enough, Mae’s eyes slowly drifted closed. Her breathing evened out, and Boey watched fondly, listening to their hearts beat together.

“Y’know, you’re asleep right now which is the only reason why I’m saying this. But, I really love you so much, you wouldn’t even understand. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, whether it’s as a lover, friend, or partner.”

Glancing at Mae’s peaceful face one last time, he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight, Mae.”

 

Mae screamed. Loudly. In her head, but still.

‘I wasn’t asleep, dumbass!’


	14. Celica, Emoji Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genny: get you a man who can cook
> 
> Whip&MaeMae: IF THATS THE CASE THEN SORRY BOOBEY WERE BREAKING UP

**Celica:** Hello everybody! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/ Good morning!!

**bowoey:** what the fuck is that?

**genny:** i blame alm i bet it’s his fault

**Alm-ond:** WHTAAT WHY IS IT ALWAY MT FAULT

**Celica:** Huh? Σ(･ิ¬･ิ)

**Celica:** No, of course not!

**Celica:** Alm hasn’t done anything questionable for three days now.

**Whip &MaeMae: **wwhat the hellck is that then????!?!!?

**Celica:** What? （・□・；）

**Celica:** Wait, do you mean the kaomojis?

**Whip &MaeMae:** IS THIS A FOLLOW UP ON THE EMOJI DRESS

**Alm-ond:** I LOVE YOU CELICA AND THOSE LITTLE FACES ONLY MAKE ME FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH YOU

**Alm-ond:** DON’T LISTEN TO THOSE BULLIES

**genny:** and now he uses perfect grammar

**Celica:** ♱♡‿♡♰ Aww, Alm, you’re such a sweetheart.

**Alm-ond:** ERTGHYUJRHTGRETHYUJ RRE LOVE OF M LIFE

**genny:** ok i’m out before this turns to a kiss fest

**Whip &MaeMae: **ooh

**Whip &MaeMae: **gimme the link

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent a link_

 

**Whip &MaeMae: **thanks im gonna use em all on boobey

**bowoey:** “it’s Boey you bitch” goes for you too

**bowoey:** just because you’re not Alm doesn’t mean you get special treatment

**Whip &MaeMae: **then why havent you corrected me before loser ;999

**Whip &MaeMae:** wait hold on

**bowoey:** no

**Whip &MaeMae: **(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

**Celica:** Hey, that one’s pretty cute!

**Whip &MaeMae: **thanks lol i tried

**Alm-ond:** CELC I CANR DINS WORDS THATKL CONVEY MY LIVE FOR YOU BUT ILL TRY

**Alm-ond:** ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

**bowoey:** mother save us

**genny:** they’re being converted

**Celica:** ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Almond:** (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

**Whip &MaeMae: **∩(︶▽︶)∩

**Alm-ond:** (*･▽･*)

**Celica:** (=^▽^=)

**Whip &MaeMae:** ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

**Wip &MaeMae: **(/^▽^)/

**Celica:** ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Almond:** (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

**Whip &MaeMae: **∩(︶▽︶)∩

**Alm-ond:** (*･▽･*)

**Celica:** (=^▽^=)

**Whip &MaeMae:** ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

**Wip &MaeMae: **(/^▽^)/

**Celica:** ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Almond:** (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

**Whip &MaeMae: **∩(︶▽︶)∩

**Alm-ond:** (*･▽･*)

**Celica:** (=^▽^=)

**Whip &MaeMae:** ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

**Wip &MaeMae: **(/^▽^)/

**Celica:** ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Almond:** (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

**Whip &MaeMae: **∩(︶▽︶)∩

**Alm-ond:** (*･▽･*)

**Celica:** (=^▽^=)

**Whip &MaeMae:** ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

**Wip &MaeMae: **(/^▽^)/

**bowoey:** oh god it’s an infestation

**genny:** im scared

**bowoey:** run, genny! save yourself!

**genny:** b-but what about you? what about the others?

 

**_bowoey_ ** _has left_ **_mommy_ **

 

**genny:** ah

 

**_genny_ ** _has left_ **_mommy_ **

 

**Whip &MaeMae: **goodbye you little shirts

**Whip &MaeMae: ***shits

**Celica:** Wow, Mae, first “t-shit” and now this

**Whip &MaeMae:** STOP CALLIN ME OUT LIKE THIS

**Celica:** You were the one who mentioned the party

**Alm-ond:** HAHAHHAJAHHAHAH YOU DESERVE IT

**Whip &MaeMae:** OK WELL YKNOW WHAT ALM

 

**_Whip &MaeMae_ ** _added_ **_genny_ ** _into_ **_mommy_ **

 

**Whip &MaeMae:** genny

**genny:** you want receipts?

**Whip &MaeMae: **when celica roasted alm for failing botany

**Alm-ond:** WHAG YOU CNANT DO THST ILL SIC CELC ON YA

**genny:** im on it

**Whip &MaeMae: **now we wait

**Celica:** Guys, stop bullying Alm

 

**_genny_ ** _sent an image_

 

**genny:** here it is

**genny: “** Celica- You became a botany major just because of the pun ‘Alm-ond’ and now you’re failing your class because you have no real interest in plants whatsoever” for those who can’t read it

**Whip &MaeMae: **BEST GIRL GENNY

**genny:** i know

**Celica:** I’m kicking you both out if you send in one more receipt, Genny.

**Alm-ond:** YEAHHH CELC YOU’RE AMAZING

**Alm-ond:** COME OVER ILL MAKE YOU YOUR FAVORITE FOOD

**Celica:** σ(≧ε≦ｏ) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ALM!!

**genny:** what the fuck

**Whip &MaeMae: **celica????

**Whip &MaeMae: **did u just USE CAPS

**Alm-ond:** (ﾉ >ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:♪･ﾟ’☆

**Celica:** Alright, I’m coming over!

**Alm-ond:** (*･▽･*)

**genny:** uh

**Whip &MaeMae: **hewwo?

**genny:** dont say that ever again or ill kick you from the chat

**Whip &MaeMae: **HOW COULD U DO TIS TO ME WERE FRIENDS?!?!?!?

**genny:** remember literally everything you’ve said in this chat?

**Whip &MaeMae:** .

**genny:** i rest my case

**Whip &MaeMae: **ok well genny if your’re a sheep

**genny:** no

**Whip &MaeMae: **you’re a furry too

**genny:** NO

**Whip &MaeMae:** ooh genny with the capital letters

**Whip &MaeMae: **anyway you cant deny it

**genny:** yeah i can

**Whip &MaeMae: **nyu-uh

**genny:** i’m pretty sure if anyone here is a furry then its you

**Whip &MaeMae: **well listen here

**Alm-ond:** GUYS I MEED UR HELP

**Whip &MaeMae: **SAVED BY THE

**Whip &MaeMae: **uhhh what are you again

**Whip &MaeMae: **not a bell

**Alm-ond:** A HERO

**Alm-ond:** LIK IN OYR PLAU

**Whip &MaeMae: **ew nvm

**genny:** wha

**Alm-ond:** N YWAY

**Alm-ond:** DOES CELICA LIKE PINK OR ORANGE BETTER

**genny:** did you turn on autocorrect just to ask us that question

**Alm-ond:** none of your BUSINESS

**Whip &MaeMae:** uhhh im pretty SURE pink

**Whip &MaeMae: **cause shes always wearin it

**Alm-ond:** I have plates

**Alm-ond:** some have an orange stripe and some have a pink stripe

**genny:** honestly i dont think it matters

**Alm-ond:** UHH K THN BTEEE

**Whip &MaeMae:** there goes his autocorrect

**genny:** goodbye autocorrect

**Whip &MaeMae:** well miss you sweet prince

**genny:** well now im bored

**Whip &MaeMae: **let’s play ‘how longll it take 4 celica to come over’

**Whip &MaeMae: **last time was 10 mins

**genny:**? ok i guess

**Whip &MaeMae:** its been 6 minutes so far… hmmm

**Celica:** Guys, check out what Alm made me! (=^▽^=)

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

 

**genny:** WHOAAA

**Whip &MaeMae: **HOLY SHIT FORGET ABOUT THE GAME

**Whip &MaeMae: **CELICA IM DROOLING WTF

**genny:** can we come over

**Whip &MaeMae: **PLEASE

**Celica:** No.

**Whip &MaeMae: **URE GONNA LEAVE US HERE 2 SUFFER?!?!?!?

**Celica:** If that’s what you call it, then yes.

**genny:** get you a man who can cook

**Whip &MaeMae: **IF THATS THE CASE THEN SORRY BOOBEY WERE BREAKING UP

 

**_Celica_ ** _added_ **_bowoey_ ** _into_ **_mommy_ **

 

**bowoey:** FINALLY

**bowoey:** MAE I’VE BEEN TEXTING YOU FOR HOURS

**bowoey:** uhhh

**bowoey:** wait

**Whip &MaeMae: **BOEY I CAN EXPLAIN

**bowoey:** did you just say you’d DUMP ME FOR ALM?

**Whip &MaeMae: **LOOK AT THE PHOTO PLEASE

**bowoey:** eugh fine

**bowoey:** holy shit

**Whip &MaeMae: **SEE???!?!!?!

**bowoey:** i’d dump MYSELF for alm’s cooking

**Whip &MaeMae: **ah

**bowoey:** hey alm i still remember your address from the party

**Celica:** Um

**bowoey:** I’m gonna dump myself into the dumpster

**bowoey:** FEED ME YOUR SCRAPS, ALM

**Whip &MaeMae: **WHAT THE FUCK

**genny:** what the fuck

**Alm-ond:** I DON WANT A OLD MAAN IN M DUMPSTER

**Whip &MaeMae: **hhhahhahaa old man boob

**bowoey:** LISTEN MY FAMILY GOES GRAY VERY EARLY

**genny:** boey you’re like in your early twenties

**Whip &MaeMae: **WAIT DOES THAT MEAN HE’S GONNA BE BALD BY THE TIME WE GET MARRIED

**bowoey:** WHA-

**genny:** boey to mae- “will you still love me when im no longer hairy”

**bowoey:** WHEN DID I EVER SAY THAT

**genny:** you’re probably thinking it right now old man

**Whip &MaeMae: **HE REALLY IS A PEDOPHILE

**bowoey:** _WHAT_

**Whip &MaeMae:** genny for your senior prank you should cut boeys hair

**genny:** good idea mae :)

**Celica:** Genny.

**genny:** fine

**genny:** good idea mae ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

**bowoey:** am I really so alone in this world

**bowoey:** GENNY I TRUSTED YOU

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

 

**bowoey:** GENNY

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

 

**Whip &MaeMae: **

**Celica:**

**Alm-ond:**

 

**_Celica_ ** _sent an image_

  
**genny:** snip snip bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey we're alive ;000  
> i survived a massive alien invasion just to get you guys this chapter  
> we were abducted by aliens and it took us forever to get back  
> on another note, if you procrastinate on something for months straight just say you were abducted by aliens  
> that's a completely different note though  
> -Sealion


End file.
